Oh So American
by Megi Keishii
Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!
1. Yellow Marshmellow

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

All I did was sign a piece of paper, then stuffed into a horrible, yellow marshmallow. And now I'm standing in front of a class with all of these kids who look like they got a nasty smell stuck in their noses for the rest of their lives.

I look like the walking dead. Oooh! I'm going to eat your brains!

Oh, I'm supposed to be paying attention now. Oops. "_Huh_?" I asked, not understanding a single word this creepy, old dude was saying. I think he said something about cheese....

A student, one of those 'glasses-moe' characters (that my friends reads about and explicitly tells me) stood up, fixed his glasses and spoke to me in....is that British English?

"_You British? Ya sure talkin' like one_." I commented, speaking in my valley accent.

"_No_." He said, then fixed his glasses again.

"_Eh, oh well_." I said, shrugging my shoulders in the oh-so American way. "_So can you tell me what this old-geezer said_?" I jerked my thumb towards the old-geezer.

The student chuckled.


	2. He Chuckles!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"Sensei, I don't believe she understand what you are saying." said Kyoya Ohtori.

The teacher looked back at the student, who was me. I was off in my own little world, playing the game that my older brother taught me.

What you do is make a fist in both hands, on one hand have the thumb out, then on the other hand, have the pinkie out. Then you switch! So the fist that had the thumb, now has the pinkie out. Vice versa with the other hand.

Doesn't sound hard right? Why don't you give it a try?

"_Are you Cain, Dala?_" asked Kyoya in English. I completely devoid the question by asking him if he was Brisith. "_No._" Then I jerked my thumb over to the old dude and asked him if he could translate for me. "_Yes, he said to introduce yourself_."

"_Ain't this an elite school?_"

"_Yes._"

"_Ain't ya supposed to know English by now? Cause of business deals and whatnot?_"

"_Yes_."

"_Then why in the names that is good and holy, in this world, couldn't the teacher say something in English? Can he not speak it?"_

"..._That is a good question._"

"_Oh well, got an empty seat around here? Really don't' wan' to s'and around looking like I got attacked by a giant marshmallow_."

"_There is one right by Kiyo_."

The black-hair beauty of the class, perked up. Looking at Kyoya, then at me. I walked over there and sat down. Right before the student who helped me earlier sat down I asked him about names.

"Ah." I said, then turned around to the girl next to me. "_Caine, Dala_." and held out my hand.

"Miyashi, Kiyo." she said hotly.

"_Bitch_." I muttered under my breath.

Kyoya chuckled.


	3. Math Class

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_This is such a drag._" I commented, banging my head on the desk. Getting ready for the next teacher to come in. "_And yes, I know. It's a sign that I have schizophrenia if I'm talking to myself._"

The dude who helped me earlier, chuckled a bit. But when he did, the other students around us gasped. As if he didn't do it often. "_What's their problem_?" I asked.

"_Math class next_."

"_I am...so outta here!_" I stated and ran out of the room. Only to run into the Math teacher. "_I am ...now so screwed._"

He chuckled again.


	4. Sleeping

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Kyoya glanced at the new girl in question. He started writing in his handy-dandy notebook. Why is she here? Why doesn't she speak Japanese? Why am I so comfortable? Why is she sleeping in class?

Wait, what? She's sleeping?!

He poked me awake with his foot, since he sits right behind me.

I jerked up and shouted, "_Co-sign of 30!_" Seriously, why don't they understand English?! Elite school here!?

The teacher apparently understood and gave a clap. Which made the other students clap also.

Kyoya returned to his work, only to hear some tapping noise. He looked up and it was the new girl, me.

I smiled and said something along the lines of evil teachers and their lack of understanding English.

"_Maybe you should learn Japanese_." he said.

"_Could you teach me_?"


	5. Dress and Puppy

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?!Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

I asked him if he could teach me Japanese, he only looked surprised for a moment, then nodded. Told me to go to the music room on the West side of the school on the 3rd floor. Or just follow the gaggle of geese that flooded there for free time.

So I did follow the geese. And that Chi-yo Bitch was glaring at me while I did. Suddenly I trip. She said something, I dunno what so I shrugged. In my oh-so American way. Got up and went past her. Only for her to grab my hair that was up in chopsticks. She thought she won, but oooo, she was wrong.

True, she did grab the chopsticks and broke them, causing my hair to fall into a ponytail instead. So I reached down my dress and pulled out another pair.

Every girl there gasped and was in shock. As if I just killed a puppy in front of them. ....Oh well, time to learn Japanese!


	6. Enter

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Kyoya was watching the whole thing, he looked slightly embarrassed and unfortunately for him. Tamaki noticed.

"Who is that new girl?" he asked Kyoya.

"Caine, Dala."

"Doesn't sound like anyone important."

"She isn't."

I came right behind Kyoya, being all stealthily-like. Then, I pounced on him. And boy! Did he jump! I fell of the ground laughing.

"_I got ya good!_" I pointed to him and laughed some more. Suddenly there was a blond-haired, violet-eyed.....thing in front of me. Holding out his appendage.

Kyoya was looking at the interaction of his best friend and of me, on the ground with a confused look on my face. He walked over to me and did the same action as Tamaki.

I smiled and took his hand, the blonde...thing-a-ma-hoober turned to stone.


	7. Horror film, The Dude and Them

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_Hey, what's up with the statue?_" I asked, tugging on the dude's sleeve and pointed to the newly appointed statue.

"_Ah, that is Tamaki_." he said.

"_Who sculpted him? I mean, its not very.....elite-y. More like a failed attempt of a horror film_." he laughed even more and once again the whole room was stoned. "_Shall we get started?_"

He asked me if I heard anything lately and wanted to know about. I told him what Bi-ya said. He just pushed up his glasses and I got an ominous feeling. AWESOME!

Suddenly I got pulled into an embrace by...twins? "_I'm Hikaru Hittachin._" said the twin in-front of me.

"_And I'm Kaoru Hittachin, and we're..._" trailed off the twin behind me.

"_The Hittachin twins!_" they said in English.

"_Sweet as__! __Another person beside the dude, who speaks English!_" I exclaimed.

"_The dude?_" they questioned, I jerked my thumb over to the dude. The twins started laughing. "_That's Kyoya Ohtori_."

"Koi-ya?" I questioned.

"_Yes, that is my name._" said now named dude.

"_I'm Dala!_" I exclaimed, extending out my hand to him. He took it and shook it with a smile on his face.

Once again, everybody was shocked.


	8. Learning Time

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_Why is everybody shocked?_" I asked my newly appointed teacher.

He just shrugged and took me to the table where he was working. "_Greetings_?" He questioned. I nodded. "Ohayo gozaimasu. _It means good morning_."

"Oh-hi-oh go-my-sha-shoe?"

"Gozaimasu."

"Go-my-saw-show?"

"_Now all together._"

"Ohayo gozaimasu."

"Konichwa_ means good afternoon or a formal greeting_."

"Con-knee-key-wa?"

"_Pronounce the 'K' at the beginning and say 'chi' like your having some tai chi lattes or taking a Tai Chi class._"

"Konichiwa."

"Konbawa_ is good night_."

"Konbawa."

"Arigato. _Means thank-you_."

"Ah-ree-gah-too?"

"_Don't told the last symbol_."

"Arigato."

"Saynora-"

"_Oh__! __I know this one, it means good-bye, right?_"

"Hai."

"_Hi?_"

"_Hai_."

"_High_?"

"Hai."

"...._heh?_"

"Hai _means yes_."

"_Oh. Oh! __I noticed that people have been saying _... sem-pie _and_ koi-hi. _What do they mean_?"

"_We can answer that_. Sempai _means upperclassmen like_ Hunny-sempai ..._who is not here and_ Mori-sempai..._who not here either_. _And_ koohai _means underclassmen like ourselves and students younger than us." _ Stated the twins, picking me up and setting me down at their table. Filled with the marshmallow minions. What exactly is this room?

Kyoya came over and handed me some books and a English to Japanese dictionary. "_These are for you to learn from. If you have any questions, just ask_." he stated.

"_You got it dude!"_ I said and gave him a thumbs-up.


	9. Nanknee

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

He watched as I was taken away from him by the twins. Jotting some more stuff on his notebook he realized why didn't he look at his laptop in the first place?! Baka!

Pulling it out he began typing in all of the info he knew...only to find out my files haven't transferred yet.. He sighed in frustration. Glancing at the interaction between me and the twins, and smiled. He didn't know why he was smiling so much around me, but he sort of enjoyed it.

"Ne, Kyoya." I called out to him.

"Nani?"

I looked on in confusion. "_Nan-knee?"_

"Nani?"

"Nani?"

"Nani."

"_Huh?"_

"Nani _means what."_

"_Oh! Okay.... what was I going to ask you..._damn it_, I forgot_.ཁ"I said. _"Oh well_." Then I skipped back off to my books.

Kyoya looked on in amusement, and still wondered why I was here if I didn't have anything to do in the elite class.


	10. AHHHHHHH!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_That...was so weird_." I said to myself, as I walked around the huge-ass school. Seriously, this is about as big-wait, scratch that. It's bigger than the local University 30 minutes away from where I used to live. Suddenly I got body slammed into the ground by a cute blond dude.

He was crying. Ah! Noez! I can't handle crying! I started screaming around, and running around like a chicken with his head cut off. I calmed down after 3 minutes, and noticed his problem. He had a cut on his knee and was holding a tattered pink thing. It was losing it's stuffing. I picked up the kid who still was crying and started to head out of campus.

I figured they are bound to let us go. It is a elite-y school and what-not. Plus its free-time. And I spot a general yen story down a couple stores. That should do it. Why it was doing around here, where things cost more than my car at home. No idea, but it did have the stuffing, that I needed for the kid's bunny, and the exact fabric. I bought the supplies that I needed, and somehow I ended up in a maze.

Oh well. Oh look! There's a gazebo-type thing! Lets go there!

First I settled the kid on the table to fix his scrapes, which was more than the knee. Patted him on his head, and I said in what was I hope a soothing voice that I would fix his bunny.


	11. Pretty Lady!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Hunny was having a horrible day. Takakshi was at home because he had a cold, a pair of wild raccoons came into his house and tore up Bun-Bun, Haruhi wasn't at school due to taking care of her father. And! He fell down in the garden. Deciding that enough was enough. He got up and booked it.

BAM!

"Oof!" he head. He couldn't take it anymore! He started bawling his eyes out and watched through blurry vision as someone was running around screaming their head off. Suddenly he was picked up and not in campus. What should he do?! Was he getting kidnapped?! No!... But he couldn't hit a girl! He just couldn't! So he suffered as his kidnapper took him to a surprise general story where he watched me pick out some stuffing, fabric that was exactly like Bun-Bun, a sewing kit, band-aids and some neosporin.

Next think he knows, he's on a table watching me fix him up. "_Don't worry. I'll fix up Mr. Rabbit. That way you don't have to be lonely at your tea parties anymore_." I said in a soothing voice, I hope.

Hunny watched me as I fixed up his bunny. Biting off the last of the thread, I made sure that I got everything. I presented the rabbit back to him and kissed his forehead. Hunny reached up and touched it. "Arigato Onee-chan!" he said, and ran off to the Host Club, that way he could tell the rest of the gang about the pretty girl who fixes things.

"Kyoya! I just met a pretty lady who fixed me, and Bun-Bun~" Honey shouted, then getting surrounded by girls.

"Oh?" Kyoya asked.

"She was really pretty and kind! Just like a fairy-tale princess!"

"Did you catch her name?"

"Iie, but she didn't speak Japanese."


	12. BunBun and Rape

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Well, that was exciting. Getting to meet the little blonde-y. It has been a long time since I sewed something. and I still have all of this fabric left. What to do, what to do.

I'm sleepy. I'll take a nap...outside! It's so nice, so I took off my stockings, shoes and used the rest of the pink fabric as a pillow. And laid out in the sun.

Yay sleep!

Too bad that didn't last long. I soon woke up to somebody poking me. Then I was lifted up. I wasn't happy. "_Let me go! I didn't do anything! Put me down, put me down_!" I yelled, waving my arms around trying to get out of the arms that held me. The next thing I know, is that I felt some fingers under my chin and I was staring into violet eyes. This seems familiar...oh well.

"Hime-sama." The Eyes said. Yes, that's right. The Eyes said it.

"He-me sa-mah?" I questioned back. Then the pair of Eyes started sprouting something in Japanese and spinning wildly around. _"Oooh, look at the pretty babies with cigars in their mouths_." I said dizzily, once the eyes stopped spinning. Soon I was picked up again, but by people I know. "He-kah-ru? Kaw-ru?" I tried.

I was glomped. "_I'm...assuming...right_." I managed to get out.

They were pushed away by The Eyes again. I started to fall backwards, only to be caught by Eyes. "Hime-sama." he repeated, then roses started to go everywhere.

"_Let me go_!" I yelled, trying to get away from this being from Mars. "Kyoya!" I shouted, then finally succeeding and going behind his back. "_Some weirdo alien is tyring to rape me!"_

Kyoya laughed. Causing Alien, the twins and the little kid from earlier...hey! It's the little kid from earlier! .... Right in front of me, holding the rabbit that I fixed. He had these pink flowers floating everywhere. How. Odd. -To stare at him in awe.

I wonder how many times that has happened today....

"_I'm Mitsunki Haninozuka! And this is Bun-Bun!" _exclaimed the little kid, holding up the pink rabbit/bunny thing that I fixed earlier.


	13. Host Club?

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Kyoya was looking on at the situation, me trying to explain to Mitsukuni about the art of pumping fists. He chuckled slightly. "_Are you the one who fixed _Hunny-sempai's_ bunny_?" he asked me. I nodded, then shrugged in my oh-so American way, of said something along the lines of being bored and whatnot.

"Kaa-chan! Why is Hime-sama being so cruel to Tou-chan?! Naze?!" exclaimed out Tamaki, shaking Kyoya back and forth.

Somehow, the twins, myself and Mitsukuni got popcorn out of nowhere and was watching them. "_Does this happen often?_" I asked.

"Hai." all three answered.

"Ah!_ I've been meaning to ask you guys something, since my _...sensei _over there is busy, maybe you can answer it for me._"

"Nani?" they all asked again.

Weird, it's like non-twin telepathy, but at the same time it is.... want to investigate...too lazy.

"_What is up with you guys flirting with the girls today in the room_?"

"_We are the Host Club!_"

I so wanna learn how they do that!...meh, too lazy.

"_Host Club?_"


	14. Ninja Dude

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English _

* * *

A Host Club? What the hell is that? Are they all practicing to seat people at random tables? They have a club for that?....This is one weird school that I entered.....

_"Don't you have a Host Club at America?"_

Really wanna know how they do that....

Again...it requires more effort than putting popcorn in my mouth.

_"Would I ask a question like that if I knew that a ...Host Club is? Are you guys practicing to seat people in restaurants or something? Usually you learn that on the job...not during school...." _

_"You don't have a Host Club?!_"

"NANI?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HIME-SAMA?! ARE YOU ILL?!" shouted The Eyes again, rushing over to me, holding my hands up to his face like they were some kind of relic....

Oh My Shoes! He's trying to rape me!

"AHH!!! Mitsukuni, Kyoya! _This Alien is trying to rape me again! _WAHHHH!!!!! HELP MEEEE!!!!" I started crying into a pink thing... completely ignoring the shouts of pain that came from the Alien and the laughter from the twins and my teacher. _"Can I get a restraining order?_" I asked my totally awesome teacher, through the bunny....

Wonder if he can understand me....

Oh well....what is this? The kid is in my lap?! When did he get there?


	15. Rabid Animals and Angry Grandmothers

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Kyoya was very entertained today, recalling the events that lead up to me, somehow staying with Hunny-sempai, as he found out that the school didn't arrange a place for me to stay. Seriously?! They can't understand English, and they didn't arrange a place for me to stay for... the school year? I think? I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ELITE SCHOOL!!!!

"You look happy, Otouto." commented Kyoya's older sister, once again re-arranging his room. Much to dismay.

"I met a new girl."

"Oh? What connections does she have?"

"That's the thing, her files haven't transferred yet, she doesn't speak Japanese, and has no connections in America."

"....Are you sure that she's supposed to be there?"

"I checked with the Headmaster."

"How ... odd and common.. I must meet her!"

"Onee-chan..."

"Don't you go all 'Onee-chan' on me! I said I want to meet her, and I'm going to meet her! Come over to my villa tomorrow after the duties of the Host Club and we shall have some tea."

"Demo-"

"Bzzt, I want to meet her! And that's final!" She walked out of the room, leaving his room a utter mess... if my grandmother saw that, she would seek the rabid fat cat on you to clean it. Trust me, I would know....

Don't ask...


	16. Coloring books!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"Eh? Who is this?" asked Haruhi as she walked into the club room, when she spotted me with Kyoya, learning about the correct grammar of Japan....man when that dude in Kill Bill said that Japanese is one of the hardest languages to learn, he was kidding!.... I want a milkshake now.....

"She's the new transfer student from America, and she doesn't know Japanese, so Kyoya-sempai is teaching her." explained the tormentors of Haruhi.

"Why is she here then?"

"We have no idea." They shrugged. Then dogged and pillow that I threw at them.

_"I knew you guys would do something to my books yesterday! Come back here and fix them_!" I yelled at them, then started chasing after them.

Haruhi just sweat-dropped at the whole thing.


	17. Magical Powers!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

I was chasing after the twins, cause to them, my books that I got from my oh-so cool sensei was a coloring book.

Granted they colored a wonderful picture of Hunny-sempai beating up the Alien from yesterdaty.

But still! I need them to study! Or else I'll look like a freakin a tourist! I don't want that!

Hey! New person!

"Hey-a! I'm Cain, Dala! Who are you?" I asked the person beneath me, whom I fell into.

"Can't.. breathe.." said the brunette man. Wow, I wonder how many time he got asked that he was a girl... such a pretty boy...

I swear I could have learned a term about that....

Oh well.

"Ah! Gomen, gomen! Watashi no namae wa Cain, Dala! Ogenki desu ka?"

"Genki desu. Watashi no namae wa Fujiyoka Haruhi."

The rest of the crew were surprised that I learned so much, in so little time...

"HOW DID YOU DO IT?!" screamed the Alien.

"AHH!!!! KYOYA! _He's trying to rape me again_!" I yelled, and hide behind my new identified ...friend ... I guess that I can call the girly-boy.

"Tamaki-san? What is she talking about?" asked Haruhi.

"Oh? Oh! Is that his name? Tamaki?" I asked, pointing to the creature from the bottom of the depths of the sea.

The weird ass dude turned to stone .... again. Seriously?! How does he do that?!


	18. Gay Villa

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_Did I do something wrong_?" I asked my way awesome and bodacious, sensei. ... Yes, that is a word. Go look it up in the hippy/surfer dictionary.

Kyoya just chuckled at the antics that the club was having. Then he remembered. "Oi, minna-san, we're going to Onee-chan's villa after Host Club duties today." he reminded everyone. Well... this is the first that I heard of it... oh well.

"OUR FAMILY IS GOING TO KAA-SAN'S ONEE-SAN'S VILLA?! OOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the creature that has yet to be discovered.

I wonder if I could put him in a little jar, and make money off of him.... then college would be paid for..... oooo the wonders of him riding in a plane... as cargo..... MWUAHAHAHa.....

I mean. .... Just go back to Kyoya.....

Seriously....

I mean it....

Ooooh!!!! Look! Something sparkly!!!

"Do I have to go, Kyoya-sempai?" asked my totally new friend who is way girlie... wonder if he's gay.... HE MUST HAVE GOOD FASHION ADVICE!!!!

I always wanted a gay friend to shop with...

I command thee.

Shoo fly.

Don't bother me.

"Unless you would like for it to be added to your debt...." trailed off Kyoya.

"I'd be honored to come." Haruhi said straight away. Then was tackled by the new species of human.... If you could call him human....

"MY DAUGHTER IS COMING WITH US! TOU-CHAN IS SOOO HAPPY!!!!" He screamed at the world. .... Did he say daughter?....

OHHHH!!!!! He must think of Haruhi must be really girly!!!! I totally get it!


	19. Horrible Firery Death of DOOM!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"_Totally rad!_ Lets go!" I shout, completely not understanding the meaning of Kyoya's words.

After a few minutes of getting everybody in a limo, and me exclaiming that we're all going to die a horrible and firey death, we made it to my sensei's sisters villa.... yeah, I got that right.

And it was big. I thought my high school was big? No, my high school is practically a garage for this place! .... wonder if anyone died while playing hide-n-seek....

I don't want to go in anymore.

You can't make me.

Go away.

I command thee.

What happened to obeying your elders?

.... shit...

Noooooooo!!!!!

Don't make me go in there! I'll die a horrible and firey death of DOOM!!!!!!

"Dal-chan, won't you come in with us?" asked the oh-so cute kid, holding up his bunny... must not fall for it.

Even after the twins tried to get me out.

"_I'll die a horrible and firey death of DOOM!!!!!!_" I exclaimed.

"Onegai?" he asked, then got Mori-sempai do it also....

Damn me and my obeying the elders....

SCREW YOU! NOT TODAY!


	20. Cookies and Hakuna Matata in French

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

Kyoya's older sister, Fuyumi, was watching from the windows conveniently placed where she is. She was smiling at the antics that the club was having to go through to get me inside. Finally, she got out on the balcony and shouted out, "We got some cookies!"

Instantly I was right beside her. "Where?!" I said, then began to search around, spotted them, then skipped happily on over singing "Hakuna Matata" in French.

Ah, the wonders of being bored and Internet.

"Ah! I completely forgot my manners! I'm Cain, Dala! Please to meet you!" I said, bowing, then extending out a hand for her to shake.

Fuyumi was quite taken with me, I could tell, and she smiled and took my hand and shook it. "I'm Fuyumi, Kyoya's Onee-chan." She said.

"Sou ka..." I trailed off.

Then the doors bursts open, and I'm caught up in a whirlwind of red, and Fuyumi was caught in a whirlwind of blonde. "Did she harm you?" asked Tamaki.

I was put off. Me?! Harm her?! I mean c'mon! I could have died a horrible and firey death and then get lost in this ...villa.. place thingy and die! While playing hide-n-seek! And he's worried that I would harm her?! ... I feel the love...

Come... hug me....

I didn't mean you....

Yes I did....

Please?

YAY! THANK-YOU!

Well, after my suffocation of being a twin sandwich we all had some cookies and tea from Fuyumi. Who I learned was in an arranged marriage....

I thought that practice was dead....

Oh well, these cookies are really good!.... there's no chocolate chip.... damn....


	21. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES MAN!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH?! Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

_English_

* * *

"Ne, I know that this is really, really, really forward, but you have any chocolate chip cookies?" I asked Fuyumi.

She tilted her head and with a confused look on her face said the things that I thought was world-known. "What are chocolate chip cookies?"

I gasped, and took her by the shoulders, telling her the wonders of the chocolate chip cookies, and how she was a deprived child.

Completely forgetting that the rest of the club was there. I got so passionate about it, that I slammed my foot on the table, spilled hot tea on the wet noodle. "WE MUST MAKE THEM! TO ZE KITCHEN!!!!!" I shouted, and she and I sprouted wings and flew towards the kitchen.

"YOU!" I shouted at the staff. They all froze with fear in their eyes.

Wonder why... must not ponder! Chocolate chip cookies are on the line! CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES MAN!!!!!!


	22. THE COOKIES MAN!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"_I need some flour, sugar, brown sugar, chocolate chips-milk and semi-sweet, two eggs, butter, vanilla extract, salt, rolled oats, baking powder and baking soda!" _I commanded the chefs. Thankfully, cooking is the universal language and they all understood me and brought me the stuff in a flash.

Wow.

How sweet is that?

Onwards to more pressing matters.

THE COOKIES MAN!

Soon afterwards, after getting flour everywhere, scaring the staff while acting like a ghost, cleaning up, Fuyumi and I are enjoying the cookies and milk.

Nothing beats homemade cookies and milk man.

Argue with me, and you'll find yourself holed up in a hole with my friend Taylor, with rats attacking his and your face.


	23. AhWoman

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"Ah-men." Coughed Kyoya, looking at the utter destruction that I cause just by making chocolate chip cookies. It's not that much I swear! Everything's working!.... expect for the kitchen sink… it was broken before I swear!

…They're only good for stopping bulldozers anyways…even then sometimes they don't work…

I turn to him and said, "Don't you mean _ah-women_?"

"_Ah-women_?"

"Yay! You support the Women's Right Movement of 1964 with the bra-burning and secret Tupperware parties!"

Kyoya just pushed his glasses up and sighed, he could already tell that his sister adored me, as she took my hands and begged me to tell her more.


	24. Cake

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"That was a good trip! Arigato Kyoya!" I said, bowing to him once I got dropped off with Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai.

"Ja ne." The rest of the crew said.

"JA!" I yelled after them as I saw them leave the property in a limo.

So wanted to stick out my head, but no. They wouldn't let me.

Party poopers.

"C'mon Dal-chan! Let's go eat some cake!" exclaimed Hunny-sempai. Pulling me along the winding hallways of his house.

"_Huzzah!_ There is my awesome cake!" I exclaimed, and joined Hunny.

Girls always have room for deser!


	25. I Like Your Beard

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"_Seriously Kyoya, why can't anyone understand English? Or is it because I'm a normaler that they all choose to ignore me and pretend that they don't know English. In hopes that I wouldn't overcome the language barrier and be sent back home to America in disgrace and never want to set foot into Japan again?"_

Kyoya just paused and looked at me oddly. Not that I noticed, I was too busy staring off into space. Trying to look for shapes in the popcorn ceiling.

I would totally be rocking it. If they had popcorn celings.

Damn elite school.

Wait! I think I see… a mustache!


	26. Yen

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Kiyo Miyashi was glaring at the new girl. How dare that new girl take way what was hers! The stupid bitch didn't even understand Japanese! What was she taught when she was growing up? How to rake rocks?

Her glares could only get colder, she did everything possible for the girl to move back to where ever she came from. Mixing up her homework, tripping her, making her lose her bag, tacks on her seats. Glue in her shampoo that she had for … gym classes! Had her bathing suit cut up for swim days.

Of course she paid someone else to do it all for her. She didn't want to dirty her hands!

But that new girl still had the audacity to come by the Host Club, and hang around her Kyoya-kun!

The pencil broke that she was writing with.

She was going to pay!


	27. 4 Leaf Clover

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

I was walking with Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai down to the gymnastics room, want to see if my skills rusted up at all. Ah~ Horrible times of doing supermans, logs, and letting the blood rush towards my head. When I spotted a Canadian penny!

Wow, never thought I see those here….

Oh well!

My mother always said 'Pick a penny up and all day you'll have good luck!'

…

Or was it that one chick from Grease who said it?

…

Oh well.

It was shiny!

"Oooh! _Penny_!" I said, bending down to get it, completely missing the rock that was aimed for my head.

Hunny and Mori didn't miss it.

"I'm going to have good luck all day today! C'mon! I need some spotters to make sure that I don't fall to my doom." I said, skipping along the way to the room.

Completely missing the snakes slithering along the ground.

I jumped over a crack in the walk; because you know what will happen if you step on one. You'll break your mother's back.

We can't afford that.

Seriously, we can't.

But I missed the crocodile that was there. Snapping his jaws away.

My bodyguards didn't.


	28. It's Haunted

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"_Opensaysame_!" I shouted towards the doors that led to the uneven bars.

"Chotto matte!" Shouted Hunny as I was about to run to the bars to begin.

"Naze?"

"Let me chalk your hands!" he said, then had Mori-sempai look over the bars real quickly while he chalked up my hands.

I can thoroughly say that my hands were perfect for leaving handprints everywhere for two days.

"Here I go!" I said, running off, then catching the lower bar and began to pull myself over it several times, then leaped off the lower bar to go to the taller bar. I was there for a few tricks, and then did an aerial off of it.

Score!

Perfect landing!

Until I noticed the ruined bars behind me.


	29. Fantasic Four

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Oh my shoes! I'm fat! I broke the bars!

I'M FAT!

….

Wait….

I swear they were like that to begin with. I didn't do anything!

I swear!

"Time for club!" shouted Hunny, dragging me off to the room, where I study for all of my classes, and make some s'mores!

They're awesome and way radical, especially once you get the Alien going on a rant. He bursts into flames!

…

I wonder if he's related to the Human Torch?


	30. It's WAR!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Are you enjoying yourself so far?" came a voice from behind me, once I sat down at my regular study table.

"Ah!" I screamed, then turned around and saw my teacher, chuckling. Hey! The people who usually turn to stone, are slowly getting used to it!

Yay!

"Don't do that to me!" I whined, then settled down my heart.

"But it's so much fun." he said. "Anyways, answer my question please."

"_I dunno, I've been here, what? A week at tops? Am I supposed to like anything by now?_"

"People, classes, locations."

"_Uh, I like being here at this Host Club, still dunno why you guys have this club, you guys, the maze outside, and Hunny-sempai's house. It's really interesting, waking up and then having a spear come at your head. A real wake-up call, I tell ya_."

Kyoya almost dropped his clipboard when he heard the last part. "Are you sure that you don't want to go to the Fuuya no Mei?" he asked me.

"Doushite? They probably cancelled my stay there anyway. Plus I'd rather stay where I know that I can be welcomed. Staying with Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai is quite entertaining, especially sine they help me with my speech." I replied back. Shrugging my shoulders in the oh-so American why. Not really caring where I stay, as long as I have a roof over my head I'm good.

"Hime-sama! Are you ready for the dance?" screamed out the Alien, who popped out of nowhere, behind me.

Scaring me.

Again.

He is so going down!


	31. BLACK RANGER!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Ah!" I screamed again. Then rushed over to my little warrior who protects me. "_Oh my shoes_! Hunny-sempai! He did it again!" I complained to him.

"Bun-Bun Kick!" Hunny shouted and started beating up Tamaki.

Wait.... the freaky dude from Mars said something about a dance.

"Chotto matte... dance?" I asked, the girls by me.

"Hai, it's the Annual Mask Festival." One of the girls said.

"Annual Mask Festival?" I repeated.

"Oh, thats right, you're from the States." She said with some attitude.

Fine, see if I ask her again.

Off to find my gay friend, maybe he can help me pick out a fabulous spot to hide from everybody!

"Haruhi!" I shouted, then spotted him making his way to the kitchen to refill the teapot.

"What's this Annual Mask Festival?" I asked him then passed him the cream and sugar.

"Annual Mask Festival?" he parroted.

Wow, there has been a lot of that going around. I wonder if its Parrot Day today?

Oooh looky! There's ..... a.... pile of something....AHH! ITS MOVING!

"_Kyoya! ITS MOVING!_" I shouted, then started running towards Kyoya, getting behind him.

GO BLACK RANGER!


	32. Total Mind Reader Man!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ....Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Don't worry about that. He won't move. " Kyoya assured me.

Somehow we ended up at the table where I was earlier.

He's an awesome ranger! COOOOL!

"So what's this Annual Mask Festival?" I asked my totally oh so cool teacher, as he looked over my worksheet for Japanese. Its like my old English class at home, gave us a time period, and we have to insert a character in a special event. Last time I did this, it was .... last year-ish, and I did it about 'The Jazz Singer'... wonder if I could find it and just translate it over to Japanese.

"Iie."

"Heh?"

"You can't use your old paper from last year and use it for this class."

Oh... My.... Shoes.... He's a freaking mind reader!

"Iie, I'm not a mind reader."

That just proved it!

"That doesn't prove it."

Yes it does!

"You facial expressions are an open book."

I hate you.

"No you don't. Now, what you need to do here..." he said, and started pointing out the stuff that I did wrong.

"Sou ka..." I said, then took back the paper and started making the corrections. "You never answered my question sensei."

"Nani?"

"Annual Mask Festival."

"Sou ka."

..... Is he deaf today?

That would be so cool! I could totally scare him more! WOOT!

"The Annual Mask Festival is the holiday that we have here, that is similar to Madi Gras that you Americans have in New Orleans, and over n Venice, Italy."

"So you guys get to dress up in totally whacked out outfits, with crazy masks, pass out cakes, sweets, have the Kind and Queen and just virtually party in an elite-y way, which means waltz, foxtrot, and maybe the Viennese waltz?"

"Hai." he said, then excused himself to go over to Haruhi and made him turn white....

Wow, these people have so many cool expressions.... So... Bored......


	33. Lend Me Your Ears

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here?...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't you supposed to know it for business and whatnot?...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

So….bored…. Dunno what to do…. Maybe I can bug Alien and make Hunny-sempai beat him up again…nah….

I always could have Mori-sempai beat him up… Nah, I couldn't do that to the beloved Mori-senpai….

Ooooh! A creepy red-haired person who is behind Mori…..

MORI HAS A STALKER!

"STALKER!" I yelled and pointed at the creepy red-haired man, then rolled up my Japanese assignment and rushed over to him.

WHACK!

"ARG!" he yelled, clutching his head.

"Stalker!"

Whack!

"Arg!"

"Stalker!"

Whack!

"Arg!"

"Stalker!"

Whack!

"Arg!"

"Stalker!"

Whack!

"Arg!"

"Stalker!" two more voices joined me.

Whack! Three pieces of rolled up paper hit the dude's head.

"ARG!" he yelled, and glared at us.

The two who joined me, ran behind a pillar and left me to face … the dude.

Wimps. That's what they are. Whimps… or pansies… yeah. Panies!

PANSIES!

"You freaking pansies, come over here and help me face him like men!" I yelled back at them. Then I felt myself getting raised up in the air.

Damn me and my oh-so American Western bravado…


	34. Tiki Faces! ANGRY ONES!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here?...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't you supposed to know for business deals and whatnot?...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Shit hit the ceiling fan! There's a crazy ass red-haired mad Jamaican dude who is holding me up by my collar and making Tikki faces at me!

"_KYOYA! THERE'S A CRAZY RED-HAIRED-MAD-JAMICAN-DUDE WHO IS MAKING ANGRY TIKKI FACES AT ME! HELP ME!_" I shouted at the man, then trying to get away from the crazy Jamaican dude.

Kyoya was laughing.

Not helping me at all.

Neither are the twins.

They're laughing their ass off in the corner.

I'm not even going to count on Alien-man thing over there.

Hunny-sempai is enjoying his damned cakes too much to notice.

Mori!... wait, he just Hunny to the nurse.

MY UBER-COOL-TASTIC GAY FRIEND! HE WILL HELP ME!

"Haruhi! HELP ME!" I shouted at the gay friend.

Haruhi just looked at me, sighed and turned away.

Fine! See if I get him hooked up with a cool gay friend and help him hid his stash of gay sex toys!

"YOU TRAITORS! HELP ME!" I shouted once again.

Ritsu Kasanoda is usually a calm and patient man who can take a lot of bullshit from the twins. But this new girl, the one that is rumored to be a vicious, evil, sly as a fox, bitchy, and cheating woman who came over to put the Host Club to ruins.

And yes, this is all true, he heard it from class A-3's gossip mill who is smitten with Kyoya-sempai.


	35. Scooby Doo? Where Are You?

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't you supposed to know for business deals and whatnot...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"You," he growled out.

I decided to pull a page out of book, that I read, curtesty of Fred Jones, and not go 'eeep'

Hey, my oh-so American coolly-ness is at stake here.

So ... I flicked his nose.

"Bad dog." I said, than continued to flick his nose, and repeating to say 'bad dog'.

He growled some more.

"Bad dog, no growling. Now put me down please."

Growling.

"Seriously, put me down or else I will kick you in a very important place for men if they want crazy ass man sex. "

Then the next thing I knew is that I'm seeing the ceiling of the clubroom flying past me, hey! They totally missed of spot! I should report them, that shade of pink is wrong!

"Ah, so this is how you can fly… That's nice… I want a milkshake…" I decided, and then landed on a convently placed well-toned arms. Hey!

I recognize those nuts! They're pistachoes!

"Oh hey! Mori-sempai, there's a crazy-ass red-haired-Jamacain-wanna-be-ninja here to you stalk you." I said to him.


	36. MELONS! ALLONIZES!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Ah." Said Mori, and then went to go talk to the crazy-ass-teddy-bear-lover-wanna-be-Jamacian.

"Are you alright?" asked Kyoya, popping out of nowhere.

"Indeed. So about this Annual Mask Festival, what are you guys going to be doing for it?" I asked my oh-so cool teacher of the Japanese language.

"Tamaki has yet decided on it." He replied, pushing up his glasses.

"Sou ka…. " I started getting an idea.

"No."

"Heh?"

"No."

"No."

"No."

"But the melons!"

"Melons?"

"You fail."

"I am an Ootori. Ootori's do not fail."

"You just did, you just failed epically on the grand scale of the Random Clown scale, which mind you isn't as epic at the Purple Knitted Octopus Wearing a Shiny Top Hat scale, but is more epic that a Straw Horseshoe Scale of epicness. Plus your fail just wasn't even registered on the Epic Fail menu that according to the law of Seashelled Owl, revised by the Mario Brothers, version 64.86 pi times the square root of 6 is just a normal fail.

"It just wasn't epic enough." I replied. Even supplying charts to show him, of how he failed.

Kyoya just grunted and looked away.

"I win." I stated, holding out the peace sign, right before my Twinkies kidnapped me.


	37. Shakespear

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

I won't even mention the horrors that my beloved Twinkies put me through. Nope! Nothing you can say nor do will change my mind. So get that money and fatty tuna outta my face you scum!

Nothing! I repeat nothing is going to get me sing like a canary!

"Could you please tell us where Hikaru and Kaoru put you through?" asked the Alien.

I know he has a name! I truly know it!

….But what is it?


	38. Trees and Rocks and WATER!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Throughout the 3rd music room you would see lil' ol' me sittin' upside down on the couch. Bouncing up and down.

Singing.

The best song evah!

Don't believe me? Well listen!

"_My country's bigger than most_  
_And if asked I boast_  
_'Cause I'm really proud_  
_So I shout it loud_  
_Though our number are few_  
_we will welcome you_

_Although we don't have history_  
_Gold medal winning team_  
_Heroes or prisoners_  
_World famous volcanoes_  
_Still what we've got's glorious_

_'Cause we've got_  
_Rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And trees and trocks_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And WATER!_

_Alright! Everyone!_

_We've got_  
_Rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And tress and rock_  
_And rocks and trees_  
_And trees and rocks_  
_And…WATER!_

_In Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada_  
_Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada,_  
_Canada, Canada_!" I sang, not noticing that a-all of my blood is rushing towards my head

b-All of the Host Club is staring at me with weird ass looks on their faces

c-The person who has been out to get me is plotting behind my back

or d-all of the above.

"Ne~" sang out the Twinkies

I froze. And actually looked around.

Well, shit.

"_Whatever it is, I didn't do it! I was in Tokyo tippin' cows_!" I exclaimed.

Then promptly fell over.

Ow.


	39. Kick the Can!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

OW IN THE HEAD!

"You all suck," I whispered harshly to all of them, then tried to disappear from the elite-y school. "You really do."

Kyoya just chuckled, as I tried to walk away but kept getting cornered by the Hosts.

"Aren't you supposed to, you know, entertain these lovely ladies by selling your bodies and your personalities to them?" I asked, gesturing to all of the ladies.

"Damn." Said the Twinkles, before heading off and making these girls lose blood.

"I wanna make green tea!" shouted out Hunny, before grabbing Mori and some of his regular customers, who were explaining the wonderful amount of tea from last time.

"Ah! My beautiful princesses! Let us leave these poor pitiful creatures alone~" said the Alien and using his weird ass voodoo to charm those pitiful carp people.

"Shall I serve you some tea?" asked my oh-so cool gay boyfriend.

No not really. Just didn't want to use Gaylicious like last time…

Ah-ha! Time to move!

And I made a mad dash to the doors, only to be held back by my evil teacher.


	40. Daffy Duck

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

No! Don't make me go!

I'll die a horrible water-y death by a Daffy Duck float!

Please?

RED RANGER! THE BLACK RANGER IS GOING ROUGE!

Help me! Help me!

What you are asking?

Kyoya is dragging me back to our 'offical' study table.

Got snacks and everything!

Oh My Shoes! Kiyo's there!


	41. KSHFYU of the LKFHHY the Third

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

"Hi Kiyo-san…" I trailed off, hoping to be spared by her 'REAWKAHELKADFKA the KSHFYU of the LKFHHYT Glare the Third.'

Nope. Great, and here I was hoping for a day without being glared by her.

I swear! She has a thing against me from day one! I DIDN'T DOO ANYTHING! WAHHHHH!

Seriously! I didn't do a thing! The only thing that I may have done to get her mad at me was the cookies that I made with my gay-tastic friend!

They were only a little burnt!

Plus I gave the almond-smelling ones to the Alien.

Why he still lives, no idea.

Really, I was joking.

Seriously. Just look at him, he's off prancing away like 'My Pretty Little Pony'

"Hmphf!" said Kiyo and turned her nose up at me, as if I smelled like a sewer rat.

I SWEAR I TOOK A SHOWER THIS MORNING! I EVEN USED HUNNY'S STRAWBERRY SHAMPOO!

I want a claymore now…..


	42. Grrrrr, lakdgfaht'oiatglkjhflkn

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

I mean, c'mon! Who doesn't want a claymore? They're about 2/3 the size of you…wow, that would be a big one on Mori, just think about it, that would be huge….

On a mission to use my non-existing art skills to draw Mori as a knight with a claymore! Saving his beloved Princess Hunny from the terror of Mr. Bear! A bald one at that! How he got bald….uh….

He got shot at with a shotgun lamp…..

And he squealed like a ….bear squealing and ran for the hills…

Yeah! That sounds totally radical!

"YAY FOR SHOTGUN LAMPS!" I just randomly shouted, scaring the shiz out of my study partners, and immediately got started working on the drawing.

Completely ignoring the looks that I got my so-called study buddy and my oh-so-radical teacher.

"Dala-chan," said Kyoya.

Ignore

"Dala-chan."

Ignore zone here.

"Dala-chan."

Wide ignore zone.

"Dala-chan."

IGNORING THE IGNORED! DECREAD BY THE IGNORE GOD!

"Dala-chan."

La la la, I can't hear you!

"Dala-chan."

Why must Mori have spikey hair?

"Dala-chan"

Shoo fly, but bug me.

"Dala-chan"

It won't come out!

"Dala-chan."

Stupid ass easer! Come out of the dark depths of the hole that keeps you there!

"Dala-chan."

Grrrrr, lakdgfaht'oiatglkjhflkn

"Dala-chan, quite chewing on your pencil."

Lakhsdfoyhefh

Grrrrrr, stay away from my chew toy buddy

"I am not going to let go, Dala-chan." Said Kyoya, holding onto the pencil, while I bite the other end. Kiyo is just looking on with horror.

Yes you are, or would you like to be my next chew toy, you freaky mind reader?

"How many times must I tell you, that I am not a mind reader?"

Until you let go of my pencil you bastard

"I can assure you that my parents were married by the time they had me."

Yeah right, let go!

"No." said Kyoya, and began to pull even more, making me get on the table.

Yes, or else this is going to turn out very badly for you mister.

"What about you?"

They all hate me, and they have their issues about Americans.

"I don't."

Keep telling yourself that, hey! Quit that!

All of a sudden, I felt a push from behind me.


	43. Narrator

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Shall we do a recap? Yes, I got into a tug-of-war fight with my teacher, when I felt someone push me from behind.

What? You actually expected me to explain what happened since the start of one month ago? Hell no! Get your own Naruto narrator!

Where were we?

Oh yes.

Kyoya and I were playing tug of war when I got pushed behind.

Making me go forward, and Kyoya to go back.

Wow.

This is going to end badly.


	44. So Many Choices

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

I told you that this was going to end badly!

Did anyone believe me?

No.

Now I'm stuck in the infirmary with a pencil launched deep within my throat, and scraps on the palm of my hand.

What?

Did you actually believe that Kyoya would either:

A-Use himself as a buffer, and catch me, making me land on him in a questionable position.

Or

B-Have myself land on my back and Kyoya try to catch me and accidently pin me down and his lips broke my fall.

How about C? Neither.

I fell, landing on my palms, and somehow the pencil landed in my throat. And I'm here, getting it out.

Choking here!


	45. O2

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Still choking here! Ello? Anybody there?

Oh yeah.

I'm here.

You're there somehow knowing all about my thoughts and actions.

Kinda stalkerish don't cha think?

Oh well.

CHOKING HERE! CAN'T BREATH PEOPLE! I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE!

AT LEAST LET ME LIVE TO THE AGE OF 21 BY THE AMERICAN STANDARDS TO DRINK! PLEASE!

Hey! Red Ranger! Hime-sama can't breath here!


	46. Frankenstein's Monster

I LIVE!

YAY!


	47. Hiding Ze Toys

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Now that it has been confirmed that I live, I now have to study for … something that I apparently need to study for.

"Haruhi!" I called out to my gay friend, in the huge halls that could fit the Magical School Bus. Yeah, its that awesome.

"Nani Dala-sempai?"

"I need help on my math, could you help me?"

"What about Kyoya-sempai?"

"He's busy. Plus I want to get to know you better. I need some solids before I go hiding your gay sex toys." I said with a complete straight face.

Haruhi sweatdropped and told me to meet him at his house after school.

"Totally awesome!" I said to him, gave him a huge bear hug then went to the 3rd music room to go bug Kyoya more about the Annual Mask Festival thing…


	48. So That's the Truth About Haruhi!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"You for real?" I exclaimed, talking to the very handsome mother that Haruhi has.

No wonder he likes to dress like a girl! It's so simple now!

He just wants to connect with his mother! Wow, I'm slow at these things!

"Of course! Haruhi needs more girlfriends to hang out with! Poor Haruhi!" exclaimed the red-haired woman, twirling me around along with Haruhi.

"Your mother is so rad!" I said to Haruhi as we settled in later on that evening, me watching Ranka styling her hair and then skipping out of the room. "So how do I do this problem?"


	49. Just Don't

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"RAWR!" I ….rawr'ed at the two trouble-makers who dared disturbed my sleep.

"Eeep!" said one voice, and went to hide behind the cool tree.

I caught the harpoon in the air that was whizzing by my door and threw it back at the two.

"S'pid fishes, t'yin tat eke mey t'key thet goes 'AFLAG!'" I said sleepy, before falling asleep.

Hunny and Mori just looked at the harpoon, that missed them by an inch.


	50. Elvis Has Left the Building

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"MOMMY! What are we going to do about the Festival?" whined the creature that is not even worth giving a radical name.

"I don't know, Daddy." said my teacher, ignoring my attempt of hiding a chuckle.

"You said it was like the Venetian Madi Gras, ne?" I asked my teacher, he nodded. "Then why don't you have it similar to it? Like have the masks, and the flamboyant costumes and everything? Make it a masquerade, and you guys could sing a song about…festivals or something and dance."

Everybody stared at me.

"What? It's not like I got here…. Never mind that. Still don't know how I got here. Um….Blame ze carrots?...QUIT LOOKING AT ME!..." They still stared at me…

"Look! A Distraction!" I pointed in a random direction and went into a hiding spot when the Host Club looked away.


	51. Nod Ze Head

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I swear! I didn't do anythingggg!

"Why are you making me sit through this?" I whined, and tried to get away from the evil twins that had me at their house again.

I struggle, they pull the rope tighter. CAN'T BREATHE!

"Fine," I pouted, "Get me anywhere near pink, and you'll find your house in flames."

"Hai, hai." Said the sparkling twins as they dragged me off to their mother, in a rather dismissive manner.

"I hate you."

"We love you too."

"The love. It burns."

"You know you love it."

"I hate it with a passion."

"But see? You have passion."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Yes it does, it means you have something."

"I could have a passion fruit, and that would mean something?"

"Hai."

"I hate you."

"We loooooove y ou."

"_What is love_?"

"Huh?"

"_Oh baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me. No more. Oh baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me. No more_." I continued singing.


	52. I'ma Gonna Die

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"I'm going to die. When I die, I'm taking you all to hell with me." I glared at the fellow Host Club, who dyed my hair a totally radical shade of white, and gave me a white dress, that came down to my knees in a fluffy ballerina way, with black and white pompoms all over it. A birthday cone hat with black and white pompoms.

But then fireworks came on, then trumpets and violins went on.

That's the signal.

Damn Kyouya.

"I hope you know, I'm gonna video tape this, and keep it forever and ever." I whispered to Kyouya who was dressed up in a dress similar to mine, but more of a 1890s horse jockey ballerina dress, but he got a cool jockey hat, his hair was all curled up and had on a nice mask.

"You better not." He whispered back.

"Oh I am darling." I said, smirking, before going out to do my part.


	53. Spin Me Right Round

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"_Masquerade!  
Paper faces on parade.  
Masquerade!  
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!  
Masquerade!  
Every face a different shade.  
Masquerade!  
Look around-  
there's another  
mask behind you!"_ Everybody sang, all gathering around in the foyer, and some people on the staircase. Thank you drama club! Woot! Free admission for them. Granted it took Kyouya some convincing, but I did make him.

Some of us took out two toned fans, and began dramatic movements with them.

"_Flash of mauve.  
Splash of puce.  
Fool and king.  
Ghoul and goose.  
Green and black.  
Queen and priest.  
Trace of rouge.  
Face of beast.  
Faces._"

More dramatic movements of the fans, and going down the staircases.

"_Take your turn.  
Take a ride.  
On a merry-go-round  
in an inhuman race_." More turning, and spinning on some ballerina's parts.

"_Eye of gold.  
Thigh of blue.  
True is false.  
Who is who?  
Curl of lip.  
Swirl of gown.  
Ace of hearts.  
Face of clown.  
Faces.  
Drink it in_  
_Drink it up  
'til you drown in the light.  
In the sound_" More dramatic fan movements, a dude who was paired up with Kyouya did some fancy hand movements, then moved over to him.

"_Masquerade!  
Grinning yellows,  
spinning reds.  
Masquerade!  
Take your fill-  
let the spectacle  
astound you_!" a lone student went up the stairs, wearing a 1890's tux, brown, slightly curly, hair and a black and white mask that most of the dancers wore.

"_Masquerade!  
Burning glances,  
turning heads.  
Masquerade!  
Stop and stare  
at the sea of smiles  
around you!"_ He did some fancy mime-like movements in the center of the stairs.

"_Masquerade!  
Seething shadows  
breathing lies.  
Masquerade!  
You can fool  
any friend who ever knew you!"_ Everybody began to pair off, and do the waltz around each other, at least I think it's the waltz…Viennese maybe?

"_Masquerade!  
Leering satyrs,  
peering eyes.  
Masquerade!  
Run and hide-  
but a face will still pursue you_." We still went on the dances around, before whatshisbucket took the spotlight and announced that everybody was to have fun, dressed up as a fat Sultan, with some big breasted woman with him, as his big-breasted wife number 15.


	54. Masks

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I totally blame the fact that the blonde haired chimpanzee was watching a video that came on. Apparently 'Phantom of the Opera' is popular over here too.

Damn him.

Oh well, at least I know how to sing now.

I've wanted to know how to sing on key.

Hey, anybody can sing 'Rocks and Trees'.

And no, I don't want to go out there in the middle of the dance floor, showing off my pretty ballet shoes.

Why hello, mask dude who look similar to the Phantom….


	55. Shall We Dance? Dun Dun Dun

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Would you like to dance?" asked the deep voiced man, who was elegantly holding out his hand.

I looked around, making sure he wasn't talking about somebody else. "You mean me?" I questioned.

He laughed, "I don't see anybody else here."

I just stared at him like he was crazy.

"You crazy?" I asked, inching away from him.

"You'd have to be to hang out with him." Muttered the man.

"Heh?"

"Never mind that." He said, now just noticing that I'm inching away from him.

I felt myself blush, when he picked me up, right as the other dancers were being lifted, and he elegantly swept me off my feet.

"We shall dance?"


	56. OMG! ITS JUSTIN BIEBER!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Am I ever glad that, that horrible dance is done! Wanna know what happened?

Lets just say that dude never got a chance to dance with me.

And no, I did not run out on him. Though I was seriously was considering it.

I mean c'mon! It's a creepy ass stranger who was wearing a mask, asking me to dance. While I'm dressed up like a mime on crack.

Shut up, I know you would dance with him. For all you guys know he could have been Justin Bieber or Johnny Depp.

BIEBER BLAST! HA!

Sorry….

Not really, just wanted say that to make you feel better.

Now, where was I? Oh yes! He never got a chance to dance with me.

Wanna know why?

It's cause as soon as we moved out in the middle of the ballroom, a trap door opened up beneath me, and I fell through.

How that happened, no idea.


	57. Birds Of Prey

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Yes, you heard me correctly! I fell through a trapdoor, never to see daylight again. Or see anything else sides from my person everywhere.

…

Yes, I am aware that the dance thing-ma-boob has been done for several hours. I've tried getting myself out of this, but I keep getting lost.

I wonder how long it will take for somebody to find me…I wish I could scream like Black Canary.

I mean, that would be so cool! I could just scream my way outta here, and I'll be all like, 'Whose the bitch now, bitch? Yeah, bow down before me FOR I AM THE ALL POWERFUL FIRELORD OZAI!'

Nah, too….Mike and Brian.

They suck lemons you know?

MAJOR A!

I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!

HELP ME!


	58. YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"I AM THE ALL POWERFUL CAIN DALA!" I shouted epically, shooting up from the hospital bed.

Yes. I am in a hospital.

Really don't want to know. But lets just say, it involved mirrors, broken nails, not that I cared I mean, it's just carotene, and some broken limbs.

Which is why I'm here.

Alone.

With that one chick who pushed me.

I KNOW SHE DID!


	59. On The Corner

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Well, are you ready to back to the States? Where you belong?" she asked coldly, slicing up an apple.

That knife really looks sharp….

SHE MUST HAVE ORDERED IT FROM MY FRIEND WHO'S A WEAPONS DEALER!

Well…that's what she told me to random people. Really, she sells these really cool ultra sharp knives. Just knives. Nothing else. Hence, why she tells me to tell people that she is a weapons dealer.

"Why would I want to go back to the States? I like it here!" I exclaimed, then wincing when I jostled my armed when I tried to emphasize it.

"Even after I told everybody not to understand, in hopes that you wouldn't overcome the language barrier and be sent back home, in the pathetic States, in disgrace and never want to set foot into Japan? All because you're some filthy mongrel commoner?" she asked, spinning the apple faster and faster.

"Hey, I almost said the same thing, only in the reverse order….what are you doing?" I asked when I saw her pointing the knife at me.

"Doing what I should have done, a long time ago." She said.


	60. Oranges

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The next thing I saw, was a piece of apple in front of my face.

What?

Did you expect her to kill me?

Pitish.

You're crazy


	61. I love you

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Did I ever mention how much I love Kyouya as my sensei?

If you did, you heard wrong.

I hate him to the very depths of hell.

Why?

He brought me homework.

He could have brought chocolate. But noooo, he brought me homework, and standing right next to my bedside holding out a pencil tauntingly.

Like he knows that I plan on doing something stupid later on.

Burning it would be a good idea, but they don't allow lighters in here. Damn them.

I WANNA BE LAZY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT IT!

"Its either spending time in here with me, teaching you what you have missed out, or spending time with Tamaki." He said tauntingly.

Tamaki? This is a new person. I WANNA MEET THIS TAMAKI PERSON.

"I'll take the lesser of the two evils, bring in this Tamaki person." I said in a grave voice.

Kyouya only smirked.

I don't like that smirk.


	62. Fuji in disguise

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"OH! MY DARLING DAUGHTER~" he got caught off by a IV to head and me rushing over to the door as fast as I could, with a broken leg and arm.

"IT'S THE PERVERT! HUNNY-SEMPAI! THE ALIEN IS TRYING TO RAPE ME AGAIN! HE STALKED MEEEEE!" I yelled, hoping that in someway, in some form, that he heard me.

"BUN BUN KICK!" I heard, and major crash.

"Your were saying?" Kyoya asked, holding out that damned pencil.

"You sensei, are a sadist." I grumbled, locking the door and slowly heading over to the bed and piles of homework.

"I prefer the term, 'one who knows how to get the job done'." He said, and started explaining something about something.


	63. Rockin' Socks!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

It's official, somebody knows my personality.

I mean, just look at my totally awesome rockin' socks desk! It's all artsy and covered in dents, chunks missing, and awesome doodles.

How did they know that I was about to take my oh so cool Sharpies and doodle eyes on it, with the saying 'Big Brother Is Always Watching You' on it? I mean, it's soo cool.

I need to give a huge ass hug to the person who did this!

They really know how to cheer a girl up after getting out of the hospital.

I feel so loved right now. I think I'll make cookies later on.

Kyouya is looking at my desk in an odd way….

HE JEALOUS OF MY ROCKIN' SOCKS DESK!

Well, he can go get one of his own.

This is mine!


	64. Zorg!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Kyouya looked at the desk that I was sitting in with disgust, who ever did that to the transfer student was really starting to get on his nerves.

Plus, it's completely juvenile. They are complete idiots.

He glanced back to me, once he got a chance from his math homework. I was sleeping. Once again, how I passed that dreaded class with an A, no idea, but whatever flips the switch as they say.

Kyouya made a note in his journal, find out whoever has been mean to the transfer student. Keep an eye on her at all costs.

BRING!

"I swear to Kami, _it was those munchkins! You won't get away from me next time Zorg_!"

The class laughed from my random sayings. All expect for one.


	65. Go Go Go!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I now commence this solo mission, A GO!

I REPEAT IT'S A GO!

It's been about two months since I've been able to walk without some sort of help, and I'm able to write again.

Now to commerate this special occasion, I'm gonna do something so totally radical that people will bow before me!


	66. Be Prepared!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The class all stood around my desk in awe and in horror. How could someone do something this totally radical and awesome? They all thought.

They first entered the hallway only to hear some peacocks screeching, birds talking to each other, insects trying to scurry around, frogs croaking at each other, big cats yowling, waterfalls rushing, all sorts of other tropical sounds.

Curious, they hurried, but not running, to the classroom. Only to find a single desk being surrounded by mosquito netting and the source of the tropical sounds coming from my desk. With me inside, holding some insect spray.

"Totally ready for today sensei!" I exclaimed.


	67. Prophecy

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Are you alright?" asked the sensei, concerned about my…mind the other day.

"Of course I am, in accordance with the prophecy!" I exclaimed. The teacher looked a bit .. Jumped and asked me again. "Of course I am, in accordance with the prophecy!" I repeated.

"….Kyouya-san!" the teacher called out, Kyouya came out of nowhere, like a ninja! I swear! Oh well, I went back to my desk and start to do something…

"Nani, Sensei?" he asked.

"I think that Dala-san need to go to the hospital. A special one." Explained the sensei.

"Naze?"

"She believes that she's part of some sort of a prophecy."

"Really?"

"Hai."

"I will take her to see my family senseis, Sensei." He said, offering to take me home.

"Hai." Said the sensei, granting permission.

Kyouya came over to me, and asked me to go with him to the Host room to grab something. I nodded.

"WHY? WHY MUST YOU LEAVE?" Screamed the pervert.

"IT'S THE PERVERT, IN ACCORDANCE TO THE PROPHECY! HUNNY-SEMPAI MUST HELP ME, IN ACCORDANCE TO THE PROPHECY!" I screamed, and ducked and covered while I heard the noodle scream in pain and agony.

"Dala-san, we must getting along now." Said Kyouya, already getting tired.

"Do you really have to go Da-chan?" asked the Twins and Hunny.

"I must, in accordance to the prophecy." I said, and left the Host Club.

YOSH! I GET TO LEAVE EARLY! HURRAH FOR ME!

Uh….what's up with the docs?

"Are you Cain, Dala?" asked one of the docs.

"Yes, in accordance to the prophecy." I answered.

"Are you in some cult?" asked another one.

"Nope, in accordance to the prophecy."

"May you tell us this 'prophecy'?" said Bug Bunny.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, in accordance to the prophecy."

"Are you religious?"

"Why should that matter, in accordance to the prophecy? It's not gonna affect my totally radical awesomely American coolness is it, in accordance to the prophecy?"

"No, but-"

"But what, in accordance to the prophecy? Are you not going to let me go outside, if I'm not, in accordance to the prophecy?"

"Well no-"

"Then I have every right to leave in accordance to the prophecy." I said, and left the room, and headed to the limo that awaited me.

"Well?" asked Kyouya, when the doctors staggered out of the room, that they were holding me captive.

"I quit!" They all said, and left the building.


	68. Coffee

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

MWUAHAHAHAHA

I am pure evil.

Like, the defintion of evil.

If you look up the word evil, you would find my picture right by it.

CAUSE I'M TOTALLY AWESOME LIKE THAT!

Oh? You wonder what unmentionable horrors that I did this time? Well, it all started three weeks ago.

I found the teacher's lounge.

Where they have coffee.

So for the past three weeks, I have been hitching rides with Hunny and Mori EARLY in the morning so I could do my totally awesome plan.

Each morning for the past three weeks, I have been giving all of the teachers de-caff coffee.

It's the beginning of week four.

I gave them espresso.

"Dala-san." Said my oh so cool sensei.

"Hai?"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! Girl Scouts honor!" I said, holding up two fingers on my left hand, and placing my right hand on my heart.

"Hm." He said.

Hehehehe

I was never a girl's scout.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"OKAY CLASS WE ARE HAVING A POP QUIZ TODAY AND AFTER THAT WE ARE GOING TO RUN OUTSIDE FOR TWENTY LAPS AROUND THE MAZE ON THE WEST SIDE OF THE SCHOOL AND THEN WE WILL BE GRADING EACH OF THE PAPERS " Said our teacher.

Then continued to laugh.

Man, I love espresso.

"Dala-san." Kyouya said threateningly.

"Girl's Scout Honor, Sensei." I said with an innocent smile.


	69. IN

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Kyouya walked into the classroom, and stopped in the doorway. He's been doing that a lot lately, he thought.

What stopped him?

Me having the classroom's garbage can on my desk, with the label 'Today's assigments-IN'.

MWUAHAHAHA Sleep time!


	70. Welcome To Good Burger

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

"What are going to do today?" Kyouya asked me, as soon as he came over to his desk.

My desk? Yeah, my rockin socks desk disappeared. I was not happy.

"Nothing, do you expect me to?" I asked.

"…I don't believe you." He said.

I shrugged, "Then don't. It's not like I have the power of that be, to stop you."

He was about to say something, but Kiyo interrupted him. "Would you move?" she asked hotly.

"Do you fries with that?" I asked back.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"Okay class! Today we are going to draw somebody! Dala-chan! Would you come up and be a model?" asked our art sensei.

"Would you like fries with that?" I asked.

She looked at me with a look, "What kind of fries?"

"_Pot__at__o_ or _po__ta__to_?"

She considered this for a while, "Carrot."

"Alright! You got yourself a model sensei!" I said, jumping up from my desk and went up to the front.

* * *

"Left profile please?" asked sensei.

"Would you life fries with that?"

* * *

"Sit down?"

"Would you life fries with that?"

* * *

* * *

"Cross legs please?"

"Would you like fries with that?"

* * *

* * *

"Stand like a ballerina?"

"Woul-" I got caught off by the rest of the class.

"SHUT UP!"

Fine, be that.

You big meanies.


	71. I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The Host Club decided to take me out to the local zoo, for some 'stress free activities'. They all believe that the cause of my craziness is a indicator of the amount of stress that I have been dealing with lately.

Pitish. What gave them that idea?

So here we are. Looking at all of the life size animal crackers. OMG! IT'S A FLYING MONKEY!

"Kyouya! Quick hide! Those flying monkeys are going to steal TOTO! I want to keep Toto! Don't let them take Toto! Please Aunti Em! Don't let her take Toto! Toto didn't do anything wrong! Please Auntie Em!" I started screaming, shaking Haruhi around.

The rest of the Host Club just stared at me…

What? I didn't do nuthin'!

"Kyouya-sempai, are you sure its just stress?" asked the twins.

"Postive." Said Kyouya, opening up his little black notebook, and wrote in it as he took a bite of an apple.

All of a sudden, he sees my eyes. Staring at him accusingly. "You." I said in a threatening tone.

"Nani?" he asked, a bit…weirded out.

"You." I repeated.

"Nani?"

"You…..HOW COULD YOU KYOUYA-SENSEI?" I suddenly yelled, sobbing and point at him, shaking uncontrollably. Hunny and Mori came over to me, and started to comfort me.

"What did Kyouya-chan do?" asked Hunny.

"He killed all of those people! And now he's going to kill the rest of us!" I wailed.

"NANI?" the rest of the group yelled.

"It's all because of his little black notebook and the apple that suddenly gone now! I bet he fed it to a starving shinigami what was about to stand on his head, with his arms crossed behind his back and hopping up and down, cause the shinigami is addicted to apples and it's like beer to him!" I wailed even further.

"Hehehe oops." Said the twins.

Kyouya turned to them and said in a cold voice, "What was that?"

"We gave her some manga to read, and we gave her a special one…." They said, trailing off as Kyouya glowered at them.

"And?"

"It was Death Note…."

Kyouya came over to me, and I looked at him through blurry eyes. "Are you gonna kill me by having me jump into the lion's den?" I asked, like a scared little girl, somehow turning smaller than Hunny and curling up to him.

"That book is fictional, and if you look behind us, you will see a zebra, they like apples." He said calmly, and took me in his arms to see the zebra up close. One started to sniff me. "See? They're friendly creatures who like apples, and I was working on our English essay that is due on Weds." He said, holding up his notebook, which did have a rough draft of a paper.

"Believe me?"

"Hai."

"Lets go to my house! We have lots of cake there!" shouted Hunny, everybody agreed.

As soon as I saw sight of the parking lot, I start hauling ass like my life depended on it.

I'm glad that we came on a busy day =D

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!" I yell, then ducked inside the limo to watch the show.

Mwuahahahaha

Evil I tell ya.

Look me up.


	72. Note: Serious Face

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Ah, another day to try to be 'stress-free' as the gang decided and took me to a fancy resturant that looked out into the street.

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm so evil and crazy.

"What would you like to order for a drink miss?" asked a waiter….I think he winked at me.

Wait, no, he had something in his eye, Ha!

"Diet water please." I said, with the ultimate serious face. The rest of the Scoobies looked at me odd, as did the water.

"I didn't get that, could you repeat that?"

"I would like some diet water please, with a slice of lemon." I said, again with the serious face, and then turned to look at the street. Completely ignoring them.

Once the waiter left, the Host club started watching me.

What? Do they think I'm crazy or something?

Just because I'm holding a plain hair dryer, big ass aviator glasses and serious face doesn't mean I'm crazy.

Hey look! These cars are slowing down!

I'm not crazy!

Okay I am, but as long as I have my spoon, I won't be found.


	73. YOU FOOL!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

Oh wow, you know, every time that I look at the twin's mother, I still don't believe that she is their mother. I mean, she gave birth to two children and somehow she still has a size two figure. How in the world did she do that?

Oh, she's saying something.

I should be paying attention….I dun think so!

"Heh?" I asked, not really paying attention.

"Have you ever been to an opera?" she asked, taking in my looks. Oh shit, she's giving me that look.

You know the look that says 'I'm Gonna Dress You Up And There's Nothing That You Can Do About It MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAH'

Can I leave? Like now?

"Iie." I said, hoping that in saying no, she would let me go.

"Good! You are being escorted by my sons, and we are going to the opera! We are going to Don Giovanni by Mozart! So you need a dress! And I got the perfect one for you!" she exclaimed, and then led me to the back of the shop where there are hundreds of dresses.

I feel sorry for those sewing machines. I truly do.

The next thing I know, is that I'm stuck in this emerald green dress, that kinda reminded me of a Roman goddess or something.

Cause I mean, it has no back, just these …holsters for your arms, and then it criss-crosses right underneath my boobs, and it even is a little but bustle. Never thought I see one of those, but …whatever floats their boat.

"May I please go out and buy my own makeup?" I asked the twins mother.

"Why? Don't you want to use ours?" she asked, crossly, ready to apply some make-up.

"So I can have it for later? I would feel really guilty if you just gave me this really expensive make-up, it would make me feel tons better if I could give you some money." I said, using the ultimate technique which nobody can say no to!

The puppy eyes!

"Hm….." Work, work, work! "Alright, 25 yen please."

"Yosh!" I said, and then pulled out my debit card from nowhere, "I will be right back! I need to go to an ATM!"

"Yosh!" she also said, and shoo'ed me to the nearest one.

"Dum dadi do, just stick in the card, la la la, enter pin…. Tra la la la, enter amount desired to withdrawal… ding ding dong….. I WON! I WON!" I shouted once I got my money and rushed back to the store, like nothing ever happened.

* * *

I was itching so much to do a crazy ass thing…

I shouldn't.

But I really really want to….

I'll compromise!

* * *

Who are you creepy man? No! I don't want to be in a opera!

"Listen mister, I was lip syncing. I can't sing worth life." I said bluntly to him. "C'mon Hikaru, Kaoru, lets drop me off at Hunny's place!" I said cheerfully.

The man could only stare at me in shock; he could have sworn he heard me sing some of the songs in the Opera.

"I know I wasn't hallucating. I know what I saw. I saw her sing, and I want her in my Opera Troupe!" he said.

Crazy fool.


	74. What I Say Goes

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

Once I got to Hunny's house, and being escorted all the way up to the front door where Hunny and Mori were waiting. Aw, they're such sweet hearts! I bid them adeu and went inside where I told Hunny to get his kid brother who likes ducks so much, and Mori's little brother.

THIS WILL BRING MY PLAN INTO FRUITATION!

* * *

I looked at them with an ultra-super-uber seriouis face. "Please, sit down." I said, gesturing at the table before me. They both sat down, and they could have sworn they heard doom music.

MWUWHAHAHA-I mean, never!

"Did we do something wrong?" asked Mori's little brother. Aw, he's so cute!

Makes me want to pinch his cheeks!

I mean, back to business. There is no man or woman behind the curtain.

"Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." I said in a serious face, and then left the room.

Letting them think about it for a while, before they came rushing into my room where I already was in my happy bunny pj's, sipping on some tea.

"What?" they both said.

"You have till the morning to decide who is going to leave and who is going to stay." I said, coldly, before taking another sip.

"Now leave!"

"Hai!" they both said, scared to death of what was going to happen, they saw what I did with the harpoon.


	75. Never Wrong!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Good morning!" I said, when I entered the kitchen, only to see the brothers of my sempais looking serious at me.

"We've decided," they both said, "and neither of us is going to leave."

"What are you guys talking about? You stayed up really late last night having incest sex or being laid by some random girl or something?" I asked, checking their foreheads.

They both looked at me like I was crazy, "But! You! Last night!" they tried to get out.

"I went to an opera, then came home and went to sleep?" I said.

"But!"

"Da-chan!" hollered Hunny, swinging us around, "It's time for school!"

"Hai! I'll talk to you guys later!" I said to the now incest cousins.

I always knew they were gay!

My female instincts are never wrong!


	76. I Swear I Didn't Do It Mister!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"What is up with you guys?" I asked the classroom, they looked like they were prepared for war or something.

That would be so cool! I mean, I would totally kick their asses in a water balloon fight, that would be so AWESOME!

"You all look like you are prepared for something odd." I commented.

"We've been on edge for the past two months!" said a random student.

"Why is that?" I asked innocently.

"Cause of you!"

"Me? What did I do?"

"You went crazy!"

"I did?"

"Yes!"

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Positive?"

"Yes!"

"Absolutely, positively sure?"

"Yes!"

"You went crazy, didn't you?"

"Yes!-I mean, what?"

"You went crazy, maybe the past two months have been a hallucination, cause I remember you guys doing some crazy ass shit, now that I think about it." I said, noticing how my awesome American slang is getting to them.

"..Maybe we did…." Said that same random student.

"I think you did, maybe you should go see a doctor." I suggested.

He left, as well as the class.

Kyouya came in, and paused in the doorway, "What did you do this time?" he asked, sighing, knowing that today was going to be long.

"I did nothing, besides answer some questions." I replied.

"You sure?"

"Girl's Scout Honor, mister!" I said cheekily.


	77. BINGO Was His Nameo!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Gods, I was sooo bored!

Somebody! Save me from this terrible mess! I dun want to die from boredom!

Bored.

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

B-O-R-E-D

B-O-R-E-D

B-O-R-E-D

And Bored was the Game-o!

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

Clap –O-R-E-D

Clap-O-R-E-D

Clap-O-R-E-D

And Bored was the Game-o!

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

Clap-Clap-R-E-D

Clap-Clap-R-E-D

Clap-Clap-R-E-D

And Bored was the Game-o!

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

Clap-Clap-Clap-E-D

Clap-Clap-Clap-E-D

Clap-Clap-Clap-E-D

And Bored was the Game-o!

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-D

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-D

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-D

And Bored was the Game-o!

There once was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the Game-o!

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap

Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap

And Bored was the Game-o!

I totally kick Sylvester's butt.


	78. The Longest Imaginary Friend's Name

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"What were you doing yesterday?" asked the male Olsen Twins, coming over to the couch where I was studying for a upcoming test.

"Hm?" I asked distractingly, trying to get the assignment just right.

"You where staring off into space and then you clap every so often." They said.

I looked up from the doodle of Tamaki getting eaten by Chain Chomp, "I was bored."

"That's it?"

"Yep, playing Patty-Cake with my Imaginary friend, I call him Albert Bob Carlton Danny Evan Fraiser Gale Garfield Huey Duey Luey Ivo Jazz Killian Lambert Masterman Newton Omar Pace Quinton Radclyffe Salah Tennyson Uel Valentine Will Xan York Zuph Senior." I said, then continue on doodling. Completely ignoring my oh-so cool sensei behind me.

Glaring.

I can feel it man.


	79. FACE!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

What did I do in the past life to piss off the God/s?

WHAT DID I DO?

Is this Karma for something that I did that I wasn't supposed to back then?

I mean; this is pure torture!

I don't like the way this man is looking at me.

He's all…business-y like and cold looking.

Just look at his steeping fingers!

They have their own temples cause it's that severe.

That's right folks.

I'm here at dinner with Kyouya's Dad.

I think he said something important.

But this soup looks so much more inviting …. On his face!


	80. Grass Soup

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Kyouya looked at his guest, wondering why his father was having a family dinner and why he told him to bring along the American girl that he was tutoring, which was myself.

He quickly looked back to his father, asking the same old questions of school and if he could ever manage to catch up to his other two brothers.

Who are currently staring at him with holier then thou attitudes. It really pissed him off.

"Ne," I asked quietly when the other demons where plotting.

"Nani?" Kyouya whispered back.

"How mad would I make your family if I threw this soup at your father's face?" I asked, eyeing the weird soup. It was a messy green color. Like someone took left over grass clippings, add water and made it liquid.

"You wouldn't be able to hid from the Ootori police force." He stated simply, then taking a bite out of the grass clipping soup, and quickly pushed away the bowl at a discrete way.

"Doesn't hurt to try…." I whined.

"Don't even think about it."

"Kyouya, who is this American that you have at your side?" Kyouya's dad asked, I was back to 'I'm really paying attention' face, but if you looked carefully you could see the gears of my mind wondering off to other things.

"She is the new transfer student that is staying with Hunny-sempai's family, she is also in my class." Answered Kyouya. Taking a bite out of the dinner roll that appeared out of nowhere.

Weird.

Wonder how that happened…..

I really want to throw this soup at his…..wait, where did the grass clippings go? I was so gonna make a bomb out of them and send it that creepy man's way!


	81. Zoinks!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I just know that Kyouya had something to do with my mad attempts of grass bombing; he is so going down….

Oh, I could horrible, horrible things to him.

I really want to throw this new stuff at the guy's face, I mean; he's staring at me like I'm a piece of meat… kinda creepy.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, in a creepy way.

"Eating." I said smart-assy.

"What are you doing here in Japan, when you have no social standing in America?" asked the Creeper again.

Jeepers! It's the Creeper!

I don't think I'm gonna be able to look at him in the face.

Must be calm…think of coffee or poker face… the person who the author is texting at one o clock in the morning when work is creeping upon her in 6 hours….. don't think that…think serious thoughts….

It took one look from the Creeper to burst out into laughter.


	82. Love Tap to the Face

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

The nerve of the girl! Laughing at the Ootori table! She is such an airhead!

This is what you get in America! No class system what so ever! And this is the result, rude Americans who think that they can do whatever they want, just for the sake of democracy or some Politian move like that.

She's rude, unbearable, and lacks manners! Not how a young lady should act, but of course, this is about as good as an American is going to do.

Why is she even at the school if she has no connections into the high society, she has no name to be backed upon, nor any money. Why is she here at Ouran?

"You are an uncivilized American." he said coldly, hoping to catch my attention. And he did.

He didn't want that.

"Sorry sir, for not acting like a complete robot at such important meetings, when you are clearly ignoring your youngest, and making these two assholes over there," I said, pointing to the two brothers, "have such big 'holier-than-thou' attitudes, it's a miracle that they aren't dead yet!

"I know for sure that I would have at least poisoned them by now. I have the knowledge of how to commit a murder and get away with it, Sir. In fact, it's a surprise that Kyouya or any of your servants haven't met with the mafia to have you killed! I know I would have." I said to him.

"You vile little girl!" started the Creeper.

I gave a short, bitter bark of laughter that stilled the rest of the words that was going to come out of his mouth. "I don't know and I really don't care about what the Americans did your home back in WWII, you should get over it. Lots of other people suffered, and look at them! They are better than you are, Ootori-san! You're just a sad pathetic excuse of a _boy _that is trying to live up in Daddy's dreams. He's dead, and pretty soon; this whole house will fall apart. Because you have the crazy notion that your other two sons are actually smart, and said sons are going to die one of these days.

"All because of their attitudes. Either by their pride that nothing can go wrong, just wait for one of your patients to die under your hands as you're working on their heart, or having a c-section or from pure jealously and the hatred that is brewing in this house." I stood up and took my now identified food (something that would stain his face for a while) and threw it at him.

It hit him right in the face.

"I'm pretty sure that if Mrs. Ootori was here, she wouldn't want her family to be torn apart-" I got caught off when I felt a slap.

It was from Kyouya.

"Heed my words from earlier." He said to me, still trying to protect his family's honor.

"Honor to us all." I said in a deathly cold whisper. "I may be an American, but at least I know how to have fun, and actually know my family. I bet you don't even know ten things about each other without hiring some kind of a P. I.

"We all must honor the family, or is it the family's honor?" I said, and then stalked out.


	83. I'm Gonna Get Ya! I'm Gonna Get Ya!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

There was no way that I was going to continue talking to Kyouya. I don't even know how I can face him again. I mean his family insulted me!

I should be justified about the honor and whatnot right?

Right?

I think I'll skip pranking with the Twinkies today.

I need to be alone…

Seriously.

Oh looky! I found another Canadian penny, wait! Don't' got away from me!

Must catch that Canadian penny! My friend would be so jealous!

Get closer to it.

See the penny move.

Growl.

Get closer to it.

See the penny move again.

Growl once again.

Get closer.

Move.

Growl.

Closer.

Move.

Growl.

Closer.

Move.

Growl.

Closer.

Move.

Growl.

Pounce-Ha! I got the penny!

"Got ya know girlie!" said some mean sounding guys.

I bet they need the Ricola stuff!

I should have some somewhere ….stupid dress….

No! I don't want to smell that weird hanky!


	84. Mouse Trap!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The next thing I know is that I'm in a cold place.

Tied to a chair.

Ooooh! I must be in a correction facility!

What did I ever do to be in here?

Don't answer that question, we all know that the fork is a decoy.

All I see is black around me…either they want to me to be blind, or they are trying to get the people I hang out with to pay a huge ransom to get me back, while secretly they beat me up and make me return to America, never to come here again.

Pitish.

You're crazy if you believe those.

Oooh! I know what we're doing! Playing the advanced version of Charades! I totally suck at this! But I guess awesomely at it. Who else can guess 'Monkey fucking a coconut'? and get it right?

I rule at off topic sermons.


	85. Can? You Feel? The Love Tonight?

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The whole Host club is staring at the video they are watching at Haruhi's house.

Why her house?

Cause everybody believes that she lives rich and couldn't possibly live where she does, therefore there wouldn't be any microphones or hidden cameras to watch their every move.

"Hello, Host Club." Said the next heir to the second hardcore mafia in Japan.

"Kyouya." Said Tamaki right off the bat.

"Ichi Noche, heir to the Ichi Mafia, lives at 23 Koishi Lane, class 1-D." said Kyouya, though a bit reluctantly.

"I have captured, Cain Dala." He said, and then the video zoomed on the body of mou, sleeping apparently, in a chair. "What the hell? Why isn't she screaming or crying?"

"I don't know sir." Said some of his minions.

Noche went over to body that is me, tied to a chair to wake me up. "Wake-up!" He threatened.

I continued sleeping.

Oh! I feel a song coming on!

"Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase!

Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passin' craze!

It means no worries! For the rest of your days!

It's our problem free, philosophy!

Hakuna Matata!" I start singing. Then Noche bumped in.

"Hakuna Matata?" he asked.

"Hai, it's my motto!"

"What's a motto?" he asked stupidly.

The rest of the Host club looked at each other before looking back at the video.

"Nothing, what's a-motto with you?" I asked, and then laughed at my own poor joke. "Those two words will solve all your problems. That's right! Take Hidake there for example." I said randomly.

"Me?" said a guy apparently names Hidake.

"Hai, when he was a young boy….."

"When I was a young boy" he rang out.

"Nice," I commented, rubbing my ear on my shoulder.

"Thanks."

"He found his ugly face lacked a certain appeal, he could clear a playground at every recess."

"I'm a sensitive soul though I seem think-skinned. And it hurt that my friends never stood next to me. And oh, the shame!"

"He was ashamed!" I sang in a sermon-y voice.

"Thought of changin' my name!"

"Oh! What's in a name?"

"And I got downhearted"

"How did ya feel?"

"Everytime that I…."

"Hey! Hidake! Not in front of Noche!" I said, ignoring the sputter of 'How did you know my name?' behind me.

"Oh sorry."

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase, hakuna matata! Ain't no passin craze

It's our problem-free philosophy!" I sang,and then felt something against my cheek.

"Shut up you bitch." Said Noche, holding a gun to my chin.

"Oh! I love this game! Let me guess! It's your Japanese version of Tag isn't it?" I said, completely ignoring the cold metal that is being held to my chin.

"What do you mean?" asked Noche.

"I mean, that the person who is it, is Akuma, a demon isn't it?" I said coldly, scaring the people holding me hostage, and the Host Club, expect for Kyouya who heard it last night.

"I guess I'm 'Akuma' right?" I asked, chuckling evily.


	86. School of Rock!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Then promptly fell asleep.

What?

Did you expect for me to escape by screaming at them? Or scream randomly saying that I need Hunny-sempai's help cause they're gonna rape something or me?

I mean, that would be weird, if they start raping that table that is over there…PROTECTION FOR THE RAPED TABLES!

RAPED TABLES UNITE!

No seriously, I really did fall asleep, just look at my capturer. He looks like he's about to blow a gasket.

No, that would be ace!

It would.

You know my Canadian mi amigo.

I'm glad that we never met, expect for on the internet~

Oh sorry, wrong time to break out into song.

Though….I wonder…

Nah, gotta be asleep for else the pesky wabbit won't come.

True fact mi hard hardin' amigo!


	87. I Would Like 3 Hamburgers, 2 Orders

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Zzzz….

Zzzzz….

Insert other obnoxious snore sounds.

I know that they're gonna let me go soon….

I'm hungry.


	88. BURN BABY BURN!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

God! I'm so hungry~!

I feel my stomach about to cave in…Wonder what the Host Club is doing….

* * *

Meanwhile, with the Host Club….

* * *

"Is she seriously sleeping at a time like this?" Asked Hikaru, just staring at the screen like he never seen a telly before.

Poor, poor, deprived, rich, bastard.

"…After she made that dramatic speech…she fell asleep…" muttered Haruhi, "Damn rich bastards."

* * *

"IS SHE SERIOUSLY ASLEEP? WHERE IS THE TERRIFIRED SCREAMS AND PLEADING AND ASKING FOR MERCY?" screamed Noche, waving his gun around, not noticing that the recorder is still on.

* * *

"Kyouya, can you find out where our princess is?" asked Tamaki, thinking…well, why don't we show you?

INNER TAMAKI THEATER! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

"I must put on a brave front for Tamaki-kun and Kyouya-kun so that they won't worry about me, and have all the time in the world to look for me! I must save myself for my one true Prince~! Tamaki!" I said to myself, and then started to put on the brave front of acting like I'm sleep. Not noticing that tears are staring to go down my cheeks.

THEATER BURNED UP INTO FLAMES!

"If she still has her cell phone, we can get her GPS coordinates and have my men in there in 30 minutes." Kyouya said, silently laughing at the poor suckers that tried to kidnap me.

* * *

"Hey boss?" asked Hidake, completely forgetting that the camera is still recording.

"WHAT?" Noche growled out, looking he's about to punch somebody.

"Why did we kidnap Cain, Dala from class 2-A?"

"Money."

"Besides that."

"Was ordered to by some creepy Opera Dude who said to deliver her to the Opera house on Hoshi Lane at 6 o'clock tonight, regardless if we get the money or not."

"Naze?"

"Said that she has some powerful set of lungs, saw her singing along at the opera with the Hittachin heirs. I think that he even has a chewed gum bust of her in his closet where he has been stalking her for the past two weeks."

"Creepy."

* * *

The Host Club was looking at the video like it was a gift delivered from the Emperor himself! On a glass pillow, flew in my the extinct Albino Dodo birds.

"Are all rich bastards this stupid?" muttered Haruhi, looking at the poorly made kidnap video. 'Bakas' she thought.


	89. 364

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

I dream a dream…nah, too….Cats…or Martian Luther King Jr.

Oh I know!

On the First hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
A bruise on the right cheek!

On the Second hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Third hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Fourth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Fifth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Sixth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Seventh hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on my right cheek!

On the Eighth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
8 migraines a migrating;  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Ninth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
9 paces pacing;  
8 migraines a migrating;  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Tenth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
10 minutes in the car;  
9 paces pacing;  
8 migraines a migrating;  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Eleventh hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
11 corset crushing breathing;  
10 minutes in a car;  
9 paces pacing;  
8 migraines a migrating;  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!

On the Twelfth hour of my kidnapping, my kidnapper gave to me:  
12 Ootori policemen surrounding people;  
11 corset crushing breathing;  
10 minutes in a car;  
9 paces pacing;  
8 migraines a migrating;  
7 chicks spinning round;  
6 punches to the stomach;  
5! Minutes on tape!  
4 kicks to the ribs;  
3 smacks upside the head;  
2 kicks to the shins;  
And a bruise on the right cheek!


	90. FOREVER! Sandlot Style

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

* * *

Oooh, look at the men in the while coats!

Maybe they can teach me how to be a basket weaver and sit down and twiddle my thumbs and toes!

"Ne, Kyouya~," I asked when I woke up in a hospital… sometime later.

"Nani?" he asked, keeping an eye on the stats when writing them on his notebook.

"Do you hate me?" I asked, hoping he get the non-existing reference.

"Iie." He said.

"Honto?"

"Honto."

"Naze?"

"Because of your outburst at dinner, Father hasn't been keeping a keen eye on his income and buildings. Therefore, allowing me to buy them and add them to my profit."

"Good. Now when may I get out of this hospital?"

"When you're healed."

"But that take forever!"

"Deal with it. You got kidnapped in the first place."

"It's not like I planned on getting kidnapped, plus, who lets the kidnapped be held for 12 hours?"

Before Kyouya could answer, the door to my room burst open and a huge ass red rose petals flew into my face, making me sputter.

"My daughter! Daddy is here so you can cry into Daddy's arms! Everything will be okay!"

"KYAAAAAAHHHHH! THERE'S A HOBO IN MY ROOM THAT IS TRYING TO RAPE ME AND THE TABLE! HUNNY-SEMPAI!" I shouted.

"Double Bun-bun kick!" shouted out Hunny.

Ahhh

All was right in the world.

I can now go to sleep~

Z

Zz

Zzz

Zzzz

Zzzzz

Zzzzzz

Zzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzz


	91. Hold It Krunk! Feel the Power!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

WAHHH!

I'm so bored!

The only thing I get to do is stare at the white, popcornless ceiling!

I'm even contemplating of….

Doing homework!

HELP ME!

HELP ME!

HELP-chomp!

There goes that spider….

Oh lookey, a squirrel with a balloon…. and a sharp needle…

I'm going do die of boredom!

There was a girl who really was bored

And Bored was the game-o!

Naw, did that some chapters ago…

Hello~ Nurse!


	92. West Side Story

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I feel so bored~  
Oh so bored~  
I feel dirty, dull and bored~  
I'm envious any girls who aren't me tonight~

I feel wrathful~  
Oh so wrathful~  
It's alarming how wrathful I feel~  
And so bored that I can hardly believe I'm alive~

See that bored girl in that light fixture there~  
Who can that bored girl be?~  
Such a bored face~  
Such an ugly gown~  
Such a bored smile~  
Such a bored me!~

I feel unclean~  
And really bored~  
Feel like running out of hospital with fear~  
For I'm cursed with a sadistic teacher~

Have you met my stalker, Alien~  
The rapper on the block?~  
You'll know the minute you see it~  
The thing the one who is in an padded cell room~

It thinks it's human~  
It thinks it's in school~  
It isn't human~  
It's merely a hobo~

It must be the teachers~  
Or some weird thought~  
Or too much stepping on Belzeneff~  
Or maybe it's a curse~

Keep away from it~  
Send for Sensei~  
This is the Noodle we know~

Greedful and twisted-minded~  
Polite and crud~  
Well-bred and sadistic~  
And over controlling!~

(Miss Bored Speech)

I feel so bored~  
Oh so bored~  
That the hospital should release me~  
A wheelchair would greatly appreciated (la la la la la la la la la)~

I feel tired~  
I feel gloomy~  
I feel drowsy, and dreadful and dumb~  
And so bored, Miss Bored should just get out of here (la la la la la la la la la la)~

See that girl in the light fixture? (What light fixture where?)~  
Who can that bored girl be? (Which? What? Where? Whom?)~  
Such a bored face~  
Such a ugly gown~  
Such a bored smile~  
Such a bored me!~

I feel unclean (I feel unclean)~  
And really bored (And really bored)~  
Feel like running out of hospital with fear (feel like running out of hospital with fear)~  
For I'm cursed with a sadistic teacher!~


	93. I'm 80 yrs Old! I Can Do What I Want!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

Knock Knock

"If you're here to taunt me about not being in here, then so help me Kami I will take this needle in my arm and stick in your eye." I drawled out, being very grumpy.

Hey! I have a right to be grumpy!

They are only feeding me this.. this.. mush they call oatmeal.

It really looks like a worse version of that grass soup that I had with Kyouya.

….

Hey! I never got to eat that grass soup!

I WANT MY GRASS SOUP! I'M 17 I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

"Gomen Cain-san, but I'm here to tell you that you can be released today at noon, Haninozuka-sama will come by and pick you up." Railed off the doctor, not looking up from his clipboard until I hit him in the head with a random hospital object near me.

"You fer real?" I asked, taking flee when he winced at my awesome Americanness.

"Hai, now when Haninozuka-sama comes, I will go over the rules that you will have to follow. To the 'T'." said the sensei, looking at me like I was going to do something stupid and injure myself even more.

Pitish.

Leapin' Lemurs!

I get to leave this dreaded place of white~!

* * *

5 hours later

* * *

"Da-chan!" yelled out Hunny, leaping into my arms, regardless of the bruised ribs, XX number of chicks spinning around my head, XX number of kicks to my shins, and what other injuries I had, have. Whatever the right noun is.

"Get me outta here!" I said, crying into Hunny.

Hey, I only do it when I want to get out of the hospital okay?

Those rapping scenes don't count.

"Of course Da-chan!" said Hunny, then had Mori wheel me out of the dreaded place, with Hunny sitting in my lap, trying to tell me what has been going on during school.

And I get to go school tomorrow! Yay!

Finally, a new place to sleep! I miss my radical desk.

* * *

"Well, it seems our M. I. A. student is finally back," said the name of a sensei that I took no note of.

"Hai, sensei!" I said, and carefully walked back to my not radical desk.

"Test today!" exclaimed the teacher.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" the whole school heard.

"Yes." Said the sensei, with an evil smirk on his face.

"You planned this!" I exclaimed, pointing my finger at him.

"Yes. Now get to work." He said, handing out the tests. Just waiting for me to fail.

As if that is going to happen.

* * *

"Why do I have to learn ceremonial tea serving?" I asked my oh so cool sensei, who is currently sitting across from me, teaching me how to do the tea service thing.

Reminds me of Karate Kid…

"Subject for next week theme, traditional Japan. You, Haruhi, Hunny-sempai and the twins will be the females serving the tea, while the rest of us are going to be the hosts leading the guests to you." He said.

"Why me? I'm not even in the Host Club, hell I'm not even Japanese!" I said.

"That is what make-up is for." He said, and then continued lecturing me about the tea service.

* * *

Day in. Day out.

Tea.

Freakin' a. I'm getting sick and tired of the tea.

My sadistic teach even pulled me out of class to go to the historical part of Tokyo, to go to a geisha house or something where they taught me the tea stuff.

I am never going to hold a tea stick thing again.

My hand hurts.

I want my comics that I get from the dopple gangers.

* * *

"Ne, ne Da-chan," said Hunny, peering into my room, holding Bun-Bun.

"_What Hun_?" I asked, slipping into my American language and using my American nickname for him.

"Could you teach me how to do the tea? Last time I did it, I stirred too much." He said, starting to develop tears.

I just put my head into my pillow, trying to look away from the tears.

"_Ugh_." I muffled.

"Onegai?"

He was closer.

Must not look up!

"_Mer-her._"

"Onegai?"

He was closer.

Really! Don't look up!

"Hn."

"Onegai?"

He was right by my head.

Quick! Be asleep!

"_Snore sound_."

"Onegai?"

Rawr.

"Must I?"

"YAY!"

"I didn't agree."

"But-! But-!"

IGNORE THE TEARS!

"WAHHHH!"

"Ugh, get me the tools…." I said.

Next thing I know is that I'm outside, showing Hunny what I got told.

I want to sleep!

* * *

I have never been so happy to see my bed!

Take me away to Dreamland my bed!


	94. No Touchy!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Poke. Poke.

Sometimes it sucked having Hunny waking me up.

He always did it by poking.

It got really irritating.

Poke. Poke.

I swear if he pokes me one more time, he is going to find himself on his ass. I don't care if he is black belt or whatever he is. He will find himself being beaten by a girl.

Poke. Po-There goes my pillow.


	95. Cruel World

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I open up my eyes, only not seeing Hunny on his ass or him in my face.

Instead I see white.

DID I DREAM THAT ALL? SAY IT ISN'T SO!

"I see that you woke up from your sleep." Said the sensei from the floor, "But I'm afraid that we're going to have to keep you for another day or so to make sure that there isn't any internal bleeding."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed.

It really was a dream!

WHY?


	96. HOUSE Act

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I am so bored.

It ain't even funny.

That doctor isn't too happy about me either.

What?

Do I look like the type that would randomly try to sneak out in broad daylight?

…

Shut up!

I know you're laughing at my pain and misery!

Oh! I know!

I'll dress up as a nurse in the scrubs and sneak out that way…

Now to find some of that smelly stuff that makes you see shoes being dipped in acid.


	97. Marywanna

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Sneak. Sneak.

I spy with my little eye… a nurse smoking a joint in the stairwell! Now's my time to act! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-cough cough.

I am getting out of here while I can, who else knows how the school will be once I get back? Remember last time?

I miss those times, I want my radical rockin' socks desk back.

Oh well, mission is a go.

Hush.

Quite speaking to me.

Yes, I mean you, who else am I talking to? The nurse who is dragging me back to my room?

Wait….

Damn Sam it!

YOU MADE ME BLOW MY CHANCE!

Ohh, that's some nifty stuff you got there nurse, got any more?


	98. Pretty Colors!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"_Where are we?_" I asked in a Beatle accent voice.

"_Dunno, I think we're at the foothills._" Said another voice.

"_The foothills of what?_" said the third voice.

"_The foothills of the Headlands_." Said the smarty type fourth voice.

"_Picture yourself in a boat in a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,_  
_A girl with kaleidoscope eyes._

_Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,_  
_Towering over your head._  
_Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,_  
_And she's gone._

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Ah... Ah..._

_Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,_  
_Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies._  
_Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,_  
_That grow so incredibly high._

_Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,_  
_Waiting to take you away._  
_Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,_  
_And you're gone._

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Ah…. Ah…._

_Picture yourself on a train in a station,_  
_With plasticine porters with looking glass ties._  
_Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,_  
_The girl with kaleidoscope eyes._

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Ah…. Ah…._

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_  
_Lucy in the sky with diamonds._" The four voices sang.

"_Uh carry on lad, carry on_." Said the second voice.

"_Shall we waltz till he's gone?_" said the third voice.

The doctors looked in on me, who was waltzing with the IV.

"We need to keep her in for further studies. Maybe we should place her in the fourth floor." Said my doctor, looking gleeful at the chance of shoving pills down my throat.

Wow, this is sounding like something from Scream… and here I thought this was supposed to be humorous…. But I like the pink floofy bunnies!

NO!

DON'T VACCUUM FRANCESA! SHE HAS A FAMILY OF THREEE!


	99. I Want My 3D Glasses! Damnit!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"What do you mean she was moved to the fourth floor?" yelled out Hunny, clutching his Bun-bun closer. HE WANTED HIS STRAWBERRY FLIEDS DAMNIT!

Kyouya sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I didn't authorize it, apparently Dala-san decided to waltz around with the I.V."

"Of course!" stated two voice at once. "She's bored at the hospital! Remember last time we left her there for long periods of time?"

He paled, and had Hunny and Mori get her out of there A.S. A. P.


	100. Hello, Clarice

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Ohh, lookey at the hanging bananas~ I want to lay in them.

Zz. Zzzz..

I just got an ominous feeling… must slap Kyouya for some reason….

But I really don't want to! Cause here I get three meals a day, a nice bed with straps to make sure that I don't get killed by the Boogie Woogie Wu man. Plus I gets these nice pills that are the size of horse shit.

WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING? I WANT OUT OF HERE!

DO I HAVE TO COOK SOMEBODIES BRAIN TO GET ME OUT OF HERE?

But I heard that it is really good…. My doctor will make an excellent …. Thing.

Just wait for it, it will come. HE WILL RUE THE DAY THAT HE PUT ME HERE AND GIVE ME IDEAS FOR ENTERTAINMENT!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	101. FINALLY!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I lay on the sink that they have in here.

How?

Well, I'm in a fetal position on my back with my head hung down, watching everything in an upside down point of view.

And during this time, I have contemplated the meaning of life, and I finally got it!

No, it's not cheese or 42, but you're gonna hear it anyways!

First of all, we have life all wrong! The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way, and then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, and you go to work.

Then! You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party you get ready for high school.

You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and you become a little baby. Young back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating-and you finish off as an orgasm.

Finally the meaning of life is-

Wait, what was that? I saw something move from the corner of my eye….

It was a bird!

Must eat Tweety!

Right as I was about to pounce on the yellow bird, I hear "BUN BUN KICK!" and my door hitting my target.

NO! THAT WAS DINNER!


	102. Chillun's

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I blinked to make sure that this was real.

We all know what happened last time, an evil teacher gave me a test the first day I got back.

That is not cool man.

Totally not cool.

Pinch.

"Ow!" I said, and then rubbed my arm.

Yep. I'm awake.

WHICH MEANS I CAN GET OUT OF HERE!

"Hunny, I love you. Have my kids!" I said, jumping into his arms and cried into his chest. Then Mori lifted both of us up and I started crying even some more.

"HAVE MY KIDS TOO MORI!" I said through tears.


	103. At Last!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Home Sweet Home.

Yes! I knew I kept some gummy bears underneath my pillow!

BEAT THAT LADY VANILLA!

Everybody was in my room.

Watching me.

Wow, I feel like an endangered species.

I DON'T WANT TO BE KILLED OFF!

I suddenly start crying, and everybody rushes over to hug me.

"What's wrong?" they all shout, thinking that my time in the white place has finally gotten to me.

Pitish.

Like that will EVER happen.

"I'm an ENDANGERED SPECIES! SOMEBODY IS GOING TO HUNT ME DOWN AND KILL ME AND MAKE ME INTO THEIR RUG OR A HAT OR A PURSE OR A PAIR OF BOOTS OR A MANTLE PIECE OR A STUFFED DALA CAIN! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE COTTON FIBER FOR MY GUTS! I'M NOT WOODY!" I screamed and cried some more.

It was about two hours and loads of cake later that they convinced me that I wasn't going to be killed.

YAY! ^^


	104. Horror All the Way

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I remember the rules that my mom told me.

They are called 'The 25 Reason Why I Owe My Mother'.

I should teach them to my new friends! YAY!

First thing that my mom taught me was: IRONY.

I remember when I was playin outside in the valley when I tripped and I bruised my knee. It hurt so bad that I began to cry.

I was 4 back then.

My mom was takin a walk around to make sure that creepy bastards wouldn't take me away and I'd develop the Stockhold Syndrome.

She heard me cry.

She came over to me. Saw that I was just crying over a not bruised (totally was bruised man) and said this to me. "_Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about._"

Needless to say, I never cried infront of my mother. I went to Daddy instead!

* * *

"You guys still crying?" I asked, after we were watching Titanic.

I got an round full of yeses.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." I said threateningly, then went to put in Scream.

=D


	105. Sailor Moon Has Arrived!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The second rule she taught me was: JUSTICE

I was remembering when I was being a brat to my mom about wanting Trix instead of Coco Puffs when we went grocery shopping.

I was 5.

She just turned to me and said, "_One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you_."

I still don't get that, but I guess it runs here.

* * *

Where the clones are acting like their two infront of their mother, so I said this:

"One day, you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."

They quit fighting and started imaging it. They blanced and their mom spit out her tea.

"NO!" she screamed.

JUSTICE IS SERVED!


	106. Supercalifragexalidous

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE was the third lesson.

I was 10, and fighting with my dad about something.

My mom is one hell scary of a person, if you think that Mr. Steep Fingers Who Should Have Temples On His Fingers is a scary dude, he's like Mary Poppins compared to my mom on a bad day!

She turned to us from the couch and growled out, "_If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning_."

We were scared for life o.O

Never again did we fight in her being.

* * *

I find that applies here.

Where Hunny and his Duck of a Brother are fighting in the kitchen.

Where I just cleaned.

I finally picked up all of the sharp and pointy object around, feeling much like that one chick from the ramen topping show and started throwing it at them. "If you're gonna kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." I growled at them.

They would flee for their lives, but they were pinned to the walls.

Pure. Evil.

Seriously, look me up and you got hell =D


	107. Boys Are So Pwned!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Mom was standing infront of my, not liking that I just cut my hair. "_I swear, you're just like your father._"

That was the fourth rule: GENETICS

* * *

"I swear, you're just like your father." I said to Kyouya one day and I passed by.

I let him stew on it.

He came in the Host Club about two hours later screaming about how his father is brillant man. All because he bought the ramen cups that the Human Torch and I are eating.

It's not like I placed a brain bomb in him.

Geeze, and people had me locked up.


	108. Ze Rest

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

My mom taught me a lot more.

She taught me:

Roots –"Shu_t that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn_?"

ESP- "_Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you are cold_?"

How to Become An Adult- "_I__f you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up._" (Hunny's household was out of veggies that week, I was sad; I wanted to make Veggie Tales…. Damn sam Hunny's brother)

Envy- "_There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do._" (This was after she grounded me)

Medical Science – "_I__f you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way_." (Poor Uncle Sam)

Humor- "_When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me_." (I never touched a lawn mower since then)

Behavior Modification- "_Stop acting like your father!_" (Man was Kyouya mad that day)

Weather- "_This room of your looks as if a tornado went thought it_." (I was scarred for life; I mean who sleeps with an elephant that randomly spits out streamers?)

Hypocrisy- "_If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!_" (Man did I have a fun time that day, scaring the hell out of Alien. HE STILL NEEDS TO RUE THE DAY!)

The Circle of Life – "_I brought you into this world, and I can take you out_."

Anticipation- "_Just wait until we get home._" (hehehe, the twin's mom is scary when mad o.O)

Foresight- "_Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident_." (I told them this when we had to prance around in old costumes, did they listen to me when they jumped into a river after I drove the coach? No! BURN TO THEM!)

Time Travel- "_If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!_" (That worked wonderfully on the Angry Tikki Gay Face Man. He so should get together with that pansy dude)

Receiving- "_You are going to get it when you get home!_"

Wisdom- "_When you get to be my age, you'll understand_"

Osmosis- "_Shut your mouth and eat your supper_" (Needless to say, the Science sensei didn't like me… I LOVE THE MIRCROSOPE THAT I NAMED BILLY JEAN! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!)

Religion- "_You better pray that will come out of the carpet_" (I don't think that Haruhi prayed hard enough… It was grape juice! It wasn't wine!)

Logic-"_Because I said so, that's why_."

More Logic – "_If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me"_

Contortionism- "_Would you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!_" (Man, watching the blonde thingy spin around in circles was fun)

And

Stamina- "_You'll sit there until all that spinach is go_ne."

I remember this one well, I made Hunny eat some greens cause it was ST. PATTY'S DAY!

SHUT UP!

It was in my mind!

And my mind rules all!

He was sitting there for three hours before I took pity and called in his brother =D


	109. Dark of the Night, Evil Will Find Her!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Meanwhile I was torturing my friends with my mom's logic, my arch-rival in Duel Monsters was getting prepared to face my Blue Eyed White Dragon!

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And she will fail because she doesn't believe in the heart of the cards! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Plus, she is being watched by my ultra-cool oh so cool sensei and making sure that I don't die.

Hey, I want to live thankyouverymuch!

But I really did get an ominous feeling, like the rest of the week is going to be ultra super duper uber hard on me, making me want to quit Ouran and go back to the valley from whence I came.

Pitish, it must be the clams that I ate.

You're crazy if you think that.


	110. Explaining Here People!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

That doctor will the rue day.

What that day?

That day is today.

FOR TODAY HE WILL RUE!

And yes, I totally waited till he was at home for my vengence.

How I got the address?

If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Nah, I got connections.

Don't believe me? I can tell you.

I know Kyouya.

Kyouya owns all of the hospitals this side of Tokyo.

Since Kyouya owns all of the hospitals this side of Tokyo, he has access to the files.

Also, since Kyouya is an Ootori, he has the Ootori police force, which can storm into the hospital; this side of Tokyo cause Kyouya owns them all, and has access to the files.

The Ootori family, who has Kyouya as a son, owns Ootori police who owns all of the hospitals this side of Tokyo, and has access to the files; they have the permission to storm into a particular hospital where the doctor works.

And! Since I know Kyouya, who is an Ootori, who owns the Ootori police and who currently owns all of the hospitals this side of Tokyo, has access to the files and they have the permission of the owner of the said place to storm in and get the address of the doctor who put me in the 4th floor of the hospital, I get the address.

Thus I have connections.


	111. Thrill of the Fight

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Now, I just have to wait till he comes home.

He won't know what hit him!

He's going to be the one in the 4th floor with the horse shit sized pills being shoved down this throat! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now, hush.

FOR I AM A NINJA!

I'm a ninja, I'm a ninja! It's my birthday!

I'm a ninja! It's my birthday, no you gay brother killer; I don't want to be quiet!

Why? Dude! I'm a ninja! I graduated from Ninja Tech! I am not respecting, the respect of what it means to be a ninja!

Want to know why? Cause dude! I can go to parties, and the peeps won't even know that I'm there, and they be all like, 'Did you hear something Hiro?' Hiro be all like you know, 'No' then they look up and guess what I'm doing?

Yeah, I'm being all cla-ngy up on the ceiling, and then they be all like 'What the? A Ninja! Awesome! This is a party!' then I'd be all like 'Just throw the cake up here please!'

Cause dude, I'm a ninja!

And I'd be wearing all black-I want to exploit the coolly stuff that is of Ninja!

I don't want to be calm.

I'm a ninja!

….

Fine, I'll be calm.

I'm calm.

Calm.

Yes, I have defense.

I also have super uber ah-mazing strategy.

No damn sam it! I do not want Eye of the Tiger! I want Eye of the Dragon!

Ah, I'm glad that you see it my way.

Eye of the Dragon.

I am feeling the power of the energy that is below.

FOR I AM NINJA-ING IN THE NIGHT!

I shall start my quest.

Yes, time to start the quest.

Like the shadow serpent, the silence is my veil! Yes! And with a strike of a cobra, Ninja kill and leave no trail~

I~ Know ancient stuff, and I~! Have fun ^wind noise^ things up. For instance, in the confusion of a smoke bomb, I could steal your underwear, and you wouldn't even notice.

I can jump from roof to roof and get Kyouya free cable. I'm bad ass man.

I used my Chinese star, to pick the locks! And enter your house~!

ROCK AND ROLL BABY!

NINJA OF THE NIGHT!

NINJA OF THE NIGHT

NNJA OF THE NIGHT!


	112. The Weasely Twins Got Nuthin' On Me Baby

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Now for the real mission on hand.

MAKING THAT DOCTOR RUE THE DAY!

What I got here is some shrimp, fish, loads of salt, sticks, whale bones, hair dye, skin dye, loads and loads and loads of paper with his picture on his that says 'Have You Seen Me?', random timers that makes the weirdest ass noises, hand shockers, those snakes in a can thing… dunno what else is here in this bag… But!

That is not important! What is important is getting all of this stuff done before he comes home!

First off what do is take the skin dye, put it in the not drinking water container that he has by the house (yes, it actually said 'not the drinking water') and put in the skin dye. Then I went up to his bathroom, replace the shampoo with bleach, and then the cream rinse is now unnatural hair color.

Take all of his oreo like cookies and replace the filling with toothpaste.

Put the shrimp in his curtains, in the couch seats, taped under his desk, up in the ceiling fan, behind the fridge, oven, and the microwave. The whole she-bang.

Ze fish went into his vents

Put the random timers in random places and have them go off at random times.

Hand shockers on the handles of things, gotta love Mist-ah J.

Rigged so the snakes in a can go off when he opens stuff.

The salt I put around his fancy smancy car in a nice big ring, then laid sticks and whalebones around it.

Finally! I posted the posters everywhere, then took one, placed it on his bed and stuck a knife right in between the eyes.

I plan to make him so paranoid, he will wish that he never crossed me!

RUE I TELL YOU! RUE!

Hush! He just came home from his drinking game.

Quickly, I changed into a red outfit, and no, I did not have the silver glove, now quit asking about it, and I waited will he noticed me by the mailbox.

"Cain-san?" he asked.

"Sensei." I said in a serious face. NOTE SERIOUS FACE HERE PEOPLE!

I took his hand slowly, and turned to him with the utmost super uber serious American face that I got and continued in a whisper.

"I see dead people."


	113. I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Then I calmly walked away, making sure to sing 'Skip To My Lou, My Darling' while spinning away.

MWUAHAHAHAHAHA HE IS RUING THE DAY THAT ME HAD ME STAY IN THE HOSPITAL!

When I got to school the next day, I whistled 'If I Only Had A Brain'. Yes, that is an awesome song. If you don't agree with me, you're voted off the island. I don't give a damn sam what Gill said, you're voted off the island.

"We are dressing up as circus people today for the theme." Stated Kyouya as soon as I entered the room.

Wow, I am glad that I don't have to dress up.

I mean, that would totally suck lemons or it would be totally radical on a Yellow Submarine.

Lets see here, twinkies are obviously the Siamase twins.

Let's have some originality here people! I mean c'mon! LAME SAUCE!

Mori is a lion tamer and his cute little lion is Hunny, I can dig.

Tamaki is a fire eater, of course that Human Torch gets to eat his own kind. That must be nice.

….

Wait…

HE'S EATING HIS OWN KIND! ISN'T THAT CANNIBALISM?

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE AND FIREY DEATH OF DOOM!

THIS BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN MY SISTER'S TEACHER'S VILLA!

….

Wait, wasn't it my villa's teacher's sister?

Or my villa's sister's teacher?

My teacher's villa's sister?

My sister's villa's teacher?

Wait! I got it for sure this time!

My Aunt twice removed on my mother's grandmother's father's brother's wife's cousin on her father's grandmother's side, palace!

Yeah! I got it right =D

Anyways…..

A clown, for real? My awesome gay best friend is a clown? What part of Haruhi is funny? I fail to see the humor in that.

Kyouya is a magican, of course. Hey Mister! I want some peanuts to feed to Dumbo!

And I am the ring master that gets to announce everybody their jobs in rhymes. Ain't that lovely? Now I get to settle down into my seat where I get to watch people make a fool out of themselves. Ah, it's nice being an American and not having to do a single thing.

What is this in my hand?

"Ne, Sensei, what's this in my hand?" I asked my teacher who is putting on his orange and white striped suit that reminds me of a Creamie.

I want one now.

Damn Sam it, THEY DON'T HAVE IT HERE!

I hate you all. You all suck lemon drops!

"You are going to be our Ring Master." Said Kyouya, tying up his bowtie.

I must have heard him wrong.

"I must have heard you wrong Sensei, cause I thought you said that I had to be the Ring Master and actually particpate in this Club." I said, cleaning out my ears.

"You heard right." He said.

"I hate you."

"No you don't, now go put on your costume."

"But I look like Britney Spears in it! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A SHAVED HEAD! OR HURT LIGHTING McQUEEN WITH UMBELLAS! I WANT HIM TO HAVE HIS HEADLIGHTS!"

I fell onto the ground, and I could see my soul rising out of my body.

Oh, Kyouya, is going to rue the day.

HE WILL FEAR THE MIND OF THE AWESOME DALA!


	114. And That's How The Cookie Crumbles

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

No.

Not in your lifetime am I coming out of this make shift dressing room where I am currently watching Haruhi getting dressed.

Wow, Haruhi has a camisole …

Wait….

OH MY DEAR LORD ABOVE THAT IS ALMIGHTY!

HARUHI HAS MAN-BOOBIES!


	115. Oops! I Did It Again!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I totally get why Haruhi is in here with me, besides us being completely different genders.

Haruhi's gay and thus wouldn't make comments about my body unless it's to make it sexier.

And, he has man boobies.

But! That does not mean that I'm coming out of here.

There is no way I'm going to be Britney Spears damn it.


	116. Sideshow, Wholeshow? Who Cares?

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Not even if you say please will you get me into that suit and be a freakin Ring Master. I have some homework that I need to do.

Yes.

I would rather do homework than parade around the school in a penguin costume.

Dead. Serious.

"I'll get the teachers to excuse the homework that you have to do." Commented Kyouya from behind the curtain.

Ha! He just wanted a look at Haruhi's man-boobies!

"Deal!" I shouted, and put on my costume, which I now just noticed has a lot of holes.

Ouch!

"Damn Sam it!" I yelled. "Ne Sensei! Is this a morbid circus theme?" I asked.

"Iie, naze?" he asked.

"I found needles in my costume. SHHHIIIITTTTTT! Ow, ow, ow, ow," I started saying, hopping on one foot. "You guys sure have a weird way of giving somebody tacks to tack up some posters."

"Nani?"

"There are tacks! In my shoe! I know I needed tacks and all, but for real."

"Come on out here, and have Mori-senpai and Hunny-sempai look at it." Sighed Kyouya, writing down this new development in his notebook.

"Hai, hai, you evil task master. Why aren't you the Ring Master?" I muttered, coming out of the curtain and heading towards to the roomies.

Wow, I feel like Zatanna, just give me a bigger boob job and nice black hair and you're good to go.

"There is a reason why I'm dressed as an American Superhero right?" I asked.

The guys just stared at the outfit. I inched closer to Haruhi my only friend who wasn't affected by the suit's powers.

"Haruhi… why are they staring at me?" I asked my clown.

"You're showing an excessive amount of skin." Said Haruhi.

"Ah, I totally blame the fact that somebody tried to make it like that." I said.


	117. Justice League

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"_Em ta gnikool pots_." I said, like Zatanna would.

Hey! It actually worked! I am so related to her now!

WOOT WOOT!

Hey! I always wanted to meet Wonderwoman and Hawkgirl. Wonder if I say that I'm related to Zatanna, they would let me….

That would be so kick ass.

"MY LOVELY DAUGHTER! GET AWAY FROM THAT FIENDIOUS FIEND! THAT FIEND WILL TRY TO POISON YOUR PURE MIND!" Yelled Tamaki.

* * *

Inner Tamaki Theatre.

"It will be 200,000 yen for an hour, and 500,000 yen for a lap dance, and a 10,000,000 for the whole night. But since she's new in the business, you can get it all for 300,000,000 yen." I said in a smutty outfit, waiting for the man to buy Haruhi.

"Tamaki-kun! Please help me! I'm saving myself for you, my one, my only Prince!" said Haruhi, crying silently as she was watching me haggle with a potential buyer.

"Please! Come and save me!" she uttered once again as she was grabbed by the arm and dragged into a room. I was laughing manically off to the side with horns growing out of my head and a 50s cigarette holder with a cigarette.

Inner Tamaki Theatre is run over by a bulldozer.

* * *

"I WILL NEVER LET MY DAUGHTER NEAR YOU!" he yelled once again.

"What did I do to the Gay Overlord there? I'm the one that is dressed up like a slut! WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?" I shouted, ignoring the looks that I kept getting.

"We will worry about this later, just read this, and as to why you are chosen, you're loud, can making things interesting, are loud, attention-seeking, foreign looking, and are loud." Said Kyouya, handing me a piece of paper.

Dude, you are so dead!


	118. Flying Purple People Eater!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Welcome one, welcome all! We traveled far and wide, to bring you to the ultimate Circus! First act is the furious! Mind-Boggling! Man-eating lion that can only be tamed by one person! That person is silent, tall, overbearing man with a glare that can kill! We have The Lion and the Lion Tamer!" I said with a mega phone, walking around the room, which is made to look like the Big Tent.

Hunny came out looking like a lion, with Mori right behind him with a chair. "Grr-roar!" said Hunny, trying to look fearsome.

Mori just lifted an eyebrow and said, "Strawberry Cake."

Hunny was down for the count and going around Mori's feet like a common housecat.

"KYYAAAAA!" Their fan girls screamed their little heart out.

"Up next, we have the hysterical, comical, the biggest littlest guy you have ever seen! And all a pint-size vechile! We have our Clown!"

Haruhi came out in a smart-car, and threw a pie in his face while squeezing the nose. All with a bored expression on his face.

"HARUHI!" his fangirls yelled.

Wow, are they loud or what? I think I might have to get some earplugs.

"Are you ready for this one?" I yelled at the audience.

"Hai!" they shouted.

"I can't hear you!" I shouted back.

"Hai!"

"One more time!"

"HAI!"

"We have, the death-defying, Chris Angel wanna-be, some one who can change the way you think, he can make you think that you see a snake filled pit just across the room, or make you believe that he can pull out a perfect spick and span new card out of a pile of shredded ones!

"Now, I ask you once again, are you ready?"

"HAI!" the whole crowd of girls shouted.

"WE HAVE OUR VERY OWN MAGICAN, KYOUYA OOTORI!" I shouted, and in a cloud of white smoke, Kyouya appeared with doves around him.

Hey! He reminds me of that one character from Sailor Moon… Tuxedo Mask? I think it was?

Quick mental check through childhood memories.

"_Fighting evil by moon light, winning love by daylight. Never running from a real fight, she is one named Sailor Moon! She will never turn her back on her friends; she is always there to defend. She is one whom we can depend, she is the named Sailor- Sailor Venus, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor -"_

Fast forward the theme song.

"_Give me your password for voice-check."_

_"I love tuna fish and flied mouse pudding."_

Wrong character.

"_I am Sailor Moon! I stand for love. And I also stand for justice, and in name of the Moon! I will punish you!"_

Love interest.

I think I'm getting closer.

"_Hey! Meat-ball head! That's a good name for her._"

Yep.

HEY! I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT!

End mental check through childhood memories.


	119. Like Gaston

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

You know, I half expected him to come out with a mask and a rose to toss randomly at somebody once I got done with my check through childhood memories.

But he didn't, that would be totally radical if he did.

"And up next! We have our local cannibal, and because he does such a good job at hiding the evidence, the police can't catch him! He's our one, and our only! FIRE-EATER!" I shouted loudly.

Right into the cannibal's ear.

"KYAAAAAAAAA!" some girls shouted, and some of them started to foam at the mouth and fall down.

Wow, so didn't expect that to happen.

* * *

It was sometime later that I noticed that I didn't have my radical desk. Not even my non-radical desk isn't here. I wonder where it is…..

I looked up on the ceiling, nope. No desk there.

Oh well. I'll just take the desk next to mine. I think it was that creepy bitch who threatened me to keep me well fed with an apple.

Oh well.

La ti di, la ti da. What to do, what to do.

Oh! I know, I think I'll put my phone in a different language to learn it!

No English, already know Spanish…. Oh I know! I'LL PUT IT IN FRENCH!


	120. Wolverine, So Pwns All

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Why can't I find my homework? I know that I put my homework in my awesome American backpack that has Marvel characters. DC is so much better; the only good thing about Marvel characters is that they have X-MEN and DEADPOOL.

I want to have cancer so I can have cool powers like him. I mean, that would be rockin socks!

HE AND I ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTHS!

DO YOU KNOW HOW RADICAL THAT IS? IT'S LIKE HAVING FLO AS YOUR MOTHER! IT TOTALLY KICK-ASS AND IS NOT SQUARE!

I want a scone. From France. With chocolate.

I WANT CHOCOLATE!

Wow, I sound like that one annoying imaginary friend from 'Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends' the one that likes cheese….

I want Blu.

C'mon, you know he rocks, he's like a little kid version of Dirty Harry.

Totally is a fox in socks.

What was I spazzing out again? Oh yes, homework.

"Oh well." I said, and fell asleep.


	121. Miss Muffet

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Hey diddle, diddle,

The cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon;

The little dog laughed

To see such a sport,

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

* * *

"Yo Souh-sama." I said when I diddled into the office of the Headmaster who is currently steeping his fingers.

What is with everybody and steeping their fingers? Is it supposed to be you know, a symbol thing or something?

"You've been summoned here today," he started.

"Am I being a witness for a super secret wedding?" I asked, "Like having the total opposite being married to each other? Like the heir of the latest dish making company with the heir of the silverware making company?"

"Iie, but your sensei's have reported to me that you've haven't been turning in your homework and you've been disrespecting them lately."

"Do you mean by staying stuck to my seat when I'm supposed to bow, and having to stand cause my desk is missing?"

"Hai."

"Wow, don't you believe in bullying? Or is that only in America?"

"You've been bullied?"

"Still am sir, now if you excuse me, I gotta go deliver this fiddle stick to Neko-sempai." I said, leaving the room.

When I got to the host room, I handed Neko-sempai his fiddle stick as he hypnotized a cat with it that laughed and I watched Tamaki dressed up as a cow jumping over something.

"Ne, what did Headmaster Souh-sama want Da-chan?" came the voices of the Twinkies.

"_Se-cre-t_!" I said and ran away.


	122. Totally Normal Here People!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

It's only been one full day of school since I last saw the princple.

And let me tell ya!

I got some of the most exciting things happen to me!

First off, I got a book that was full of razors, how did they know that I needed some for an art project?

Second, how did they know that I hated the color yellow? I mean, I walk into the classroom and I get ink all over me, now my uniform is a total spazz-tastic two toned pattern. Which is totally apples!

Third, I'm finding my school shoes to be new Fashionista accessory!

I wonder what's going to happen next?

Maybe some more tacks in my shoes? More razors in my books? Maybe some drugs hidden in my desk and have the feds some and take me away? Maybe deport me?

I knew this trip would be fun!


	123. MPS Not PMS!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

1…2…3….4….5….6….7….8….9…

Screw this! Counting numbers so doesn't help me fall asleep!

YOU LIED DAD!

HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME?

I know! Let's try counting Multiple Personality Sheep!

Bipolar sheep… schizo sheep…. Multiple personality disorder sheep… depressed sheep…. Hyperactive sheep….obsessive sheep…. Ocd sheep…. Add sheep… ADHD sheep….

ZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZ


	124. Berry Burglar!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"WAHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, shooting up from my bed, Hunny and Mori came shooting into my room

"Nani? What's wrong?" asked Hunny, shaking me awake.

"Hunny! It was horrible!" I started bawling, tears coming out of my eyes like there's no tomorrow!

"What was?" Hunny asked.

"WE RAN OUT OF STRAWBERRIES!"

"**UUUUUUUSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO!**" Hunny screamed.


	125. SLEEPOVER!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

You know, sleeping over Haruhi's mother's place is really an interesting event.

First off we all got our nails done. All by her! She's so supportive of her son's open gayness! I want a mother like her that would be so apples!

Then we got our hair done, thought I can't say much for Haruhi to do with his hair, but Ranka had a fun time showing me how to put in pretty bows and making them stay in.

Then we stayed up all night giggling like highschool girls and talking about what's happening and whatnot.

I so want to come here more often.

Oh! I bet you're wondering why I'm staying with my gay best friend aren't you?

It's simple really.

I'm here to spy on him.

Duh.


	126. Just A Matter of Time

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Pitish. You're crazy if you believe that?

Me?

A spy?

I would make the worst spy ever, though I have to admit, being inside one of those buildings is a creepy place, especially if you in Russia and you're singing 'Wear The Color Purple' out in the streets, and you just so happen to be wearing purple clothing.

Pure accident I tell ya.

But the real reason as to why I'm here, somebody thought it would be fun to my room a target practice.

How they got past Hunny's little brother is beyond me, but it doesn't surprise me either.

You get him ducks and Mori's kid brother together and you got an orgy galore there.

I wonder how much money I could make off it if I video tape it or take pictures….

I would fithly rich. Like Bill Gates and Micheal Jorden and Micheal Jackson COMBINED

I want to do it now.


	127. Fred and George Weasley

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Dala-san, why are you staying at my house?" asked Haruhi after sometime later on that night.

"Dunno, I just know that my stuff is over here and Hunny and Mori told me to stay here.

Haruhi gave me a look.

Don't look at me like that! I really don't know what to do!

KNOCK KNOCK

"We're you expecting visitors this late at night?" I asked my gay friend.

It is now legit. Since he is letting me stay at his house, and is letting me share the same bed as him, he can officially hide all sorts of things in my room without questions being asked.

I solemnly swear, I am up to no good.

Do you know how awesome it would be to have a map like that? It would be so bad ass!

Hey, why is there a sack over my head, and I feel like a sack of potatoes?


	128. T Minus

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

I'm stiff.

I'm cold.

I'm tied up.

I think I have a gag in my mouth, yes. Yes I do.

I see black all around me.

I hear demonic noises.

I knew that I get rapped on this trip.

This just sucks ass.

Wait, is that a jet engine?


	129. Queen Serpentes Sapiens

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_Other Languages for some reason  


* * *

_

Sound of jet engines put me to sleep apparently.

And give me the weirdest dreams.

Ever.

Wanna hear it?

Too bad.

You are.

Kay….enter self mindscape thing now!

* * *

"Hey, you should come up and hang with me for a few hours." Said my awesome friend Brooke, who called me at 9 in the morning.

To come and visit her up at the local university which is 30 minutes away.

"Why?" I asked, waking up from my awesome sleep that she interrupted!

"Cause you miss me."

"Bite me."

"Make me."

"Fine, I'll come up." I said to the phone, and threw it across the room.

Damn Sam phone…wake me up from a good dream.

* * *

….

* * *

Why is there no place to park up here?

For real? The only place to park is at the ice cream lot?

Oh looky! First parking spot is empty!

GO ME AND AWESOME DRIVING SKILLS!

"Okay, I'm here. Now what?" I said to Brooke, my awesome blonde haired friend who's on the dance team.

"We, are going to visit Jamie at the high school, cause she won Homecoming Queen and there's a big party going on!" she said, and took me by the arms to a friend's house that lives across the street.

When I realize that I left my car up in the parking lot, and now I have to climb this huge-ass-mean-as-hell-hill. That is all sand dune-y and whatnot.

"I hate life." I said to myself. And start to climb the hill, when I starting hearing comments about this dude and me, whom I'm walking with.

"Maybe we should spend the night in here." Said the dude, whose name I found out was Jeff and is a specialist on snake religion, and pointed to the weird looking temple/tomb thing.

"Looks inviting." I said, looking around it, noticing that it barely had two feet of solid earth all around the edges and there was a giant stone thing that was filled with something.

Oh well.

"There's an opening in the wall over there in the far corner." Said the woman, the very silent woman who was apparently with us the whole time.

Man she was quiet.

"Woot, let's head there!" I said. Then started walking towards the opening in the wall where the lady indicated.

It was sometime later, and several hundred's feet underground when the lady gasp. "I don't believe it…" she trailed off. "Jeff, come and look at this!"

Jeff went over to the lady and started staring at the writing on the walls that we apparently been missing.

"I don't believe it," he repeated.

"Don't believe what, Snake-man?" I asked.

"We're in a Kobra Trail, they are recorded to be at least 180 feet long, and are richer than King Tut's tomb!" said the lady, think her name was Mary or something.

"C'mere guys! Look at this! Quick!" said Jeff, when he ventured off to the other side of the trail we were apparently in.

"What is it?" asked Mary.

"There's a prophecy, it's talking about the Great One rising up again."

"The Great One?" Mary exclaimed. "I thought all legends and texts referring to the Great One was destroyed by his left-handed man, Caddarik. I translated his journal! It said that he destroyed everything that was in reference to the Great One.!"

"I also read that journal, he said 'I destroyed all but some of the artifacts that would help the Great One's plan come into play.'" Said Jeff.

"Um, what are you guys talking about?" I asked, feeling left out from this snake stuff that they are talking about.

"The Great One is the king of all Serpentes Sapiens. It was said that he was ruthless ruler, and was the source of the Gorgon Legends. " Said Jeff.

"Gorgon? Like Medusa and her two sisters?" I asked, looking at the wall carvings that he was pointing at.

"Ever wonder why Medusa was able to die, and her two sister were not? It was said that the Great One was the father of either Stheno and Euryale or the father of Medusa." Continued Jeff.

"Really? But I though Medusa was turned into a Gorgon by meeting 'Poseidon' in Athena's temple when she was a priestess." I said.

"That is only one tale, but there are far too many myths that regard to Medusa." Interrupted Mary, getting angry at Jeff and I for some reason.

"And so you guys think, that a Greek villain that I never heard of in my history class, has a temple, shrine thing here in place. In America, when it wasn't discovered until 1492? People back then still believed that the Earth was flat!" I exclaimed, pointing out some logic in their tale that they're telling me.

"It was said by Caddrik, that the Great One had power beyond imagination, and since the people he ruled were the Serpentes Sapiens-"

"Serpentes Sapiens? Snake people?" I asked.

"You know how Medusa looks like right?"

"A woman's body, with a head full of venomous snakes for hair, and if you looked into her eyes, you would turn to stone."

"That's how all the people were. Human bodies and faces with the power to turn you to stone; but had a head-full of snakes for hair."

"Wait, wait, if this was true, then how come I've only heard of the 3 Gorgon sisters? Why not the whole race?"

"It was because of Caddrik." Said Mary, getting angry again for some reason.

"Caddrik, you guys mentioned him several times before."

"He was the left hand man for the Great One. In his journal, the Great One was going to use his sister to become the queen of the Serpentes Sapiens, and with her, they would rule the world."

"Ah. Okay." I said, and then found a spot to sleep.

The other two followed me.

* * *

…

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't see Jeff and Mary anywhere. But I did see these pretty women who could work the dreadlock look.

"You are the one." One hissed at me.

I swear she did.

"The one." The others whispered.

"Um.. I have no idea what you're talking about, but just point me to the nearest exit, I'll be good to go." I said.

"We will let you leave," one hissed who was to my right.

"Oncccce you taken sssomething to eat." Hissed another.

"We wouldn't want you to be hungry." The third one hissed and they led me back up to that giant stone thing.

Which is filled with this eerie green bioluminescence stuff. And has a giant ancient looking snake looking at me, and flickered its tongue at the apple.

"To leave thisss placcee, you mussst take the apple, and have the Great One bite into it, and then you musst eat the apple." Said the first lady, whose name I found out was Latona.

"Why? I see the exit right there, why can't I just walk over there and head back to my car?" I asked. Not liking the idea of eating an apple that's glowing, or being caressed by the snake's tongue.

"The Great One'sss venom will let you through the exxxit withhhout being killed by our guardsssss." Said Latona.

"You positive?" I asked.

"Yessss." She said.

"Okay, but if this doesn't work, I'm turning Lord-Dragonball-Z-dragon-wannabe over there into a snake purse." I said.

I take the apple that's been caressed and venom filled.

And it tasted funny.

Then I die.


	130. Return of Dala

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

But fear not!

I come back to life.

Half crazy.

One half of my mind is Stockholm syndrome crazy, saying 'Fall for the snake. Fall for Great One. Fall for him."

The other half is Non.

Non is going 'Yay! Now I don't have to worry anymore!"

Then I wake up.

It's a crazy ass dream I tell ya.

Would make a perfect horror film idea.


	131. JJ The Jet Plane

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

God! I'm so bored! Why am I even on this jet plane?

It's all small, and tiny….and woody.

I feel like I'm in a coffin.

OH DEAR GOD!

I got turned into a vampire!


	132. World Domination

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

Stake me.

Put garlic on my steak already.

Connect my plumbing to the holy water system.

Make my house a total glass house full of 13 ghosts in the basement that are trying to kill me, and I have Shaggy as the relator and Mr. Monk as my dad trying to get used to the house and the fact that our mother died a horrible violent death and is one of the 13 ghosts trying to kill us.

I don't care how you do it.

I WILL NOT SPARKLE IN THE SUNLIGHT NOR HAVE DAKATOA FANNING AS MY LEGION WORLD LEADER!


	133. Jazz Time!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

Tap.

Tap.

Tappity Tap Tap.


	134. 3 Blind Mice, See How They Run

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

OH MY STUFFED HOLY WATER BOTTLE!

There's freakin mice here with me in my vampire turned coffin!

THEY'RE WEREMICE!

Great, I'ma gonna die a horrible death by weremice.

How is that radical?


	135. This Is What An 8 Hour Flight Does

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

_

* * *

_

You know, maybe being a vampire wouldn't be _that_ bad, considering that I never grow old, I'd have an unearthly amount of beauty, I don't need to eat much, just some cows from Scotland that get turned into vampire cows every now and then.

I'd have cool strength, wouldn't have to worry about opening a jar of pickles ever again.

Have you tried to open one?

Those things are freakin glued with super super super glue from Matilda.

And it's always the Kosher Dill pickles, the ones with the …..that one sea faring bird that can gulp down fish…

A PELICAN!

Yeah, it has a pelican that speaks, and wears a hat, kinda like the one in Robin Hood, where King John is a lion with no mane what so ever, the Sherriff of Nottigham is a big fat bear, and totally gives Smokey the Bear a bad name.

I mean, who could give Smokey the Bear a bad name, he fights fires, can actually climb DOWN trees, and wears an awesome hat.

It is way awesome, I mean, it's a freakin forest ranger hat.

They are the shiz.

Just think about, they know the Rockies, Wasatch, that one mountain range in the north of U. S. of A, it starts with an A…..

Anyways, they freakin know those mountains like the back of their hand.

And if you think about it, the hand is a pretty complicated appendage. Just think about, it has to do all of these sort of stuff that we tell it to, like flipping people off, using it to dig for stuff, waving, doing the American and International sign language. Typing up shiz, stopping trains with the palm of your hand.

Man! You can do the freakin Macarena!

Which by the way is totally in Spanish. I have to say that I know my Spanish pretty well because of that song, and learned to be a total flirt of that.

Find that highly amusing, I get my awesome flirting skills from a song, at least it isn't wasn't from Fergie and the London Bridge song, I mean I might as well start learning 'Sex 101' from Paris Hilton.

I hope that when I get out of this coffin I get to stay in a Hilton Hotel. They have the most comfiest beds EVER! They're like freakin clouds.

Dude!

That'd make me an angel!

Cause you know, usually when you see angels, from a 'Precious Memories' point of view, they get the nice freakin clouds which look way comfy and you get to spy on people or be a guardian angel.

I would so fail that.

You know, being a guardian angel.

I would totally fail, that's probably why we have Hitler being messed up you know? His mother was Jewish, and he wasn't freakin blonde or blue eyed.

Maybe he was trying to compensate for something you know?

Maybe his peers teased him in school, cause he had no cash or prizes. No scrumdiddlyumpous.

DUDE!

He's the source of that one game! OPERATIONS!

I mean, who has…a freakin wishbone stuck in their liver? Wouldn't that be painful?

Why is he smiling?

It's kinda creepy that he's smiling all the time, cause you know. He's in pain.

A lot.

He must be a masochist!

Great, one of the childhood games that we played when we were little is about turning on a guy through pain! What are we teaching these children? How to be dominatrix's?

Go to Vegas and do that!

But of course, when you go to sign up for a job for that, you can't say or write down where you got the training done, cause what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas you know?

Pretty sure you could work your way up though, start at a strip club or work at Hooters, those are international…..

Wonder why I didn't see any in Japan…

Must be cause it's an American thing.

Stupid 'No western influences'

Of course, they say this after Japan opened up for trading some time ago.

Should have petitioned to keep it closed off for the world.

Be a freakin Hidden County.

But technically if you look at it, the whole stripping and selling ones body started from Moulin Rouge. The red light district you know.

I always wondered if that was a good career, I mean, I would probably get AIDS or HIV and would suck ass, but I'm pretty sure, you could get some great sex stories to tell at the family table during the 'Day of Giving Thanks' or the 'Day of Brining Presents to the Poor,' not the 'Day of Giving Presents to the Children Who Already Have Stuff'!

Seriously, technically advancement of the world, has warped so many good Holidays, nowadays. I mean, who actually sits down in Santa's lap anymore and say 'Hey Santa, I don't want anything from my family or friends. I want you to the give the stuff that you were gonna give me to the Little Johnny on 3rd street, cause he's poor you know.'

Then again, we have to go back to the olden days like the 1100s or whatnot when Pagan religion was actually accepted in Europe, but nooooo. Freakin Christians or Protestants or whatnot had to freakin say it's witchcraft, and it's bad for the soul so they freakin purged the religion and anything that had to do with the Pagan religion was turned down.

So Halloween, Christmas,….I want to say Easter, but I'm not sure.

Seriously, how did Easter get to be about brightly colored eggs, and chocolate bunnies?

Not that I'm complaining, cause I mean, I eat them all the time. Always feel sorry for Peter Rabbit Cottontail.

Cause I'm eating him.

I usually go for the ears first, then that way he can't hear me eating the rest of him.

Then I chomp off the head.

So he's dead.

He can't feel anything after he's dead.

That way I feel signifactialy less guilty when I eat the rest of him.

That would be a horrible way to die man!

Getting eaten!

And I mean, you still feel it….. it'd like rats attacking your face and gnawing at it. Or flies laying their eggs in an open wound, and then you get found when there's tons of larave dripping down from the wound in the head, and then they overfill that wound and fall into a open spot on the floor and fill up the spot.

Then WABAM!

A cute guy in tighty whities investigates and gets larvae all over him.

Saw that happen once you know.

Not in real life, but I mean in CSI: Miami.

Which is the shiz!

I love Ducan, and Wolf.

I seem to have a problem with guys with gambling problems, cause I like Wolf from Miami, and I like that one dude from Las Vegas, who got killed off.

Maybe it's trying to tell me something.

I'm destinted to become a gambler!

I totally rule at Roulette or something simple at that….

Would hate Russian Roulette, but you think I would have liked it when I was stuck in the Russian prison when I got stuck wearing purple.

Let me tell you, I never knew my body could bend that way.

It was fun, got to make lots of friends there, and learn some interesting Russian sex positions, but of course they could actually teach me, I was taken away and integrated the old fashion way.

Good cop, bad cop way.

Course little innocent me, who did nothing wrong what so ever, was let go after spending six hours there writing a satirical article about the whole bad cop good routine, and a six page essay about the word: onamonapeia.

I, of course, drew a descriptive drawing of a pirate ship being led by Batman.

Being a pirate would be bad ass!

I mean, you can go upon other ships, raiding them, and strapping them to the mast. Bare naked.

That would be painful now that I think about it.

I mean, imagine getting a sliver in your ass or …..other sensitive areas.

I bet that's why they all died!

They didn't want to suffer the slivers.

Wouldn't' blame them.

They hurt like hell. Especially the tiny ones that get stuck under your fingernail.

And their weird.

Fingernails, I mean.

Why do we even have them? They're only good for painting or being claws, then that way when someone attacks you, you can be all like, 'Hey dude, stay still and let me get some skin DNA under my fingernails, so then that way the cops who discover me dead in a street ally, can hunt you down and you get arrested and have crazy ass jail man rape.'

Yep, that would totally end up well.


	136. SWAT and Snakes On A Plane

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Knock.

Knock.

"_Whose there_?"

"_…Uh…. Samuel_?"

"_Samuel who_?"

"_Lackson_."

"KYAAAAAA! _SAMUEL L JACKSON IS MY KIDNAPEE! OMG OMG OMG! DUDE! YOU'RE LIKE SECOND TO JOHNNY BOY! I COULD DIE HAPPY!_" I screamed, totally wanted to burst my kidnappee's eardrums.

Seriously.

I want to go back to my gay best friend.

WE WERE ABOUT TO GOSSIP!

NO ONE! AND I MEAN NO ONE INTERRUPTS GOSSIP TIME BETWEEN FRIEND AND HER GAY BEST FRIEND!


	137. Tim Curry Lessons

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

The one known as Samuel Lackson stared at the crate as if it was possessed.

Which it kinda was.

Just look at it!

It's moving up and down, and the chains that they put on the crate was rattling.

It shouldn't be doing that!

"_Uh boss_," said Samuel, still staring at the crate.

It was like a freaking live sex show. You know you're embarrassed beyond all reason, but you just can't seem to move. It's like your frozen.

"_What Sammy my boy?_" yelled out Joyful Jolly.

"_I thought she was supposed to be crying, yelling and screaming. Calling for help for her beloved Tame-may-key Soy_." He continued.

"_She will soon enough_." Said Jolly Man, and then laughed evilly.

"_OH MY GAY BEST FRIEND! YOU SUCK AT EVIL LAUGHTER_!" I yelled back.


	138. I'm A Poet and I Didn't Know It!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"_I can't believe I'm stuck here, with a liar! And a person who can't do a evil laugh properly_!" I yelled at the kidnappee's.

"_You suck beyond all reason! I mean, even Haruhi can do an evil laugh better than you! And he's gay! Well not that has to do with anything, just had to point out that fact. Cause you know, there is a really known knownledge about the gay community. I mean, he doesn't even look gay!_" I commented, taking in my bleak surroundings.

Wow. I hate being kidnapped.

It's such a bore and a chore.

Hey! I rhymed!

I rule.


	139. Sneaky Sneaky

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

**Indian accent**

_

* * *

_

"_Will you shut up_?" yelled out John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

"**Why? Do you not like the sound of my beautiful voice?**" I asked. Then got an A-Class brilliant idea.

"**Hey you**."

"_Me_?"

"**Yeah you, who else would I be talking to? The obvious Mantracker behind you**?"

"_What_?"

"**Dude, just come here. I have some A-Class information that I'm willing to give to you in exchange for letting me go**."

"_Really? Do tel_l."

"**First, I need for you to come closer, I need to whisper it to you, cause I have a feeling that I'm being Big Brother'd right now**."

He came closer.

OOOOHHHHH!

Is he going to regret that!

MWUAHAHAHAHAA!


	140. There Is No Plan B

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

**Indian Accent

* * *

**

"**Closer**."

Inched closer.

"**Closer**."

Inched closer.

"**Just come over here**!"

Right by mouth.

YESSSSS!

Plan Awesome is in action!


	141. This Is Why You Don't Kidnap Dala

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

**Indian Accent

* * *

**

"_Now what is this A-class information_?"

"**You…**" I growled.

"_Me_?"

"**Yes, you. HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT GOSSIP TIME! DO YOU KNOW HOW CRUCIAL THAT IS FOR A TEENAGE GIRL? IT'S A BONDING TIME BETWEEN FRIENDS AND THAT'S HOW WE GET OUR PSYCHES UP AND DOWN! WE NEED TO GOSSIP TO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL BETTER! THE BEST TIME FOR THAT IS AT A GAY SLEEPOVER! IF I'M DEPRESSED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND BECOME ANTI-SOCIAL IN SCHOOL IT'S GOING TO BE ALL YOUR FAULT BECAUSE I'M DEPRESSED AND FIVE YEARS FROM NOW I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICUDE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU AND IT'S GOING TO WEIGH-IN ON YOUR CONCIOUS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND THEN YOUR GONNA CHECK YOURSELF INTO A MENTAL HOSTIPLE CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA SEE MY GHOST AND YOU'LL BE TALKING TO IT AND YOU'LL BE IN A CORNER WHINING TO YOURSELF SAYING WHY DID I KIDNAP THIS GIRL? WHY DID I KIDNAP THIS GIRL WHO IS ON MY CONCIOUS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?-muffle sounds.**"

"_Finally! You shut up_!" yelled out Jan Jansen.

"**Pi-tui! I can't believe you used a used sock on me! I mean how improper is that to use on a Maharani? I'm a Maharani! Even though I'm turning 50, I'm still wearing the crown that means I'm a Maharani! Do you know how much trouble you're going to be in just for a regular kidnapping? And you kidnapped a Maharani no-less! Whatever it is you have planned, you'll never get away with it, because you are a bad person, and bad people stand no chance against good people, like my rescuers!**"

Micheal Finnegan sighed in annoyance.

"**Did you parents ignore you as a child? Oh tell Maharani Dala, what dark secret lurks within that dark twisted mind of yours? Come on, out with it**!"

"_WILL YOU SHUT UP_?"

"**You dare to tell a Maharani to shut up! You are surely going to go down when I kick you in shins, for you are very top heavy**."

"_I can't hear you! La la la la la la la la_."

"**I know very well that you can hear me! Tell me how long I'm going to be here! Oh dear, you expect me to live HERE? In this dungy dreaded pied-a-terre**?"

"_Still can't hear you! TRA LA LA LA LA LA!_"

"**I demand that I have a better domicile to live in! I'm a ****Maharani**! I only deserve the best of the best!"

"_SHUT UP_!"


	142. East Meets West

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

**Indian Accent

* * *

**

"**You dare tell me to shut up? A lowly person such as you, is telling me to shut up! Well I never! A commoner such as you, has no place to talk to a higher being-mnghpg**" I glared at the man who put in that used sock in my mouth and! Covered my mouth in duck tape!

The nerve of him!

He will rue the day that he decided to do this to me.

He will bemoan, bewail this day!

* * *

"_Ah, good day to you money bags, I'm afraid that we having something of importance for you_." Said Jolly John into the live feed phone call, and then pointed to me, whose glaring at him with my awesome vampiric laser beam eye glare.

"Ah! It's Dala-chan!" moaned out Hunny, missing his partner in crime for snack time.

Tamaki was looking at the video in horror.

Kyouya was taking notes awful fast.

The Japanese version of Fred and George are glaring at the T.V.

Mori is holding a sad Hunny.

And Haruhi was looking at the T. V. and me like we weren't there.

Hey, so isn't my fault that I got kidnapped!

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!

"Haruhi, do these look like the men who knocked you out a few days ago?" asked Kyouya.

"I don't know sempai. Seeing as my back was turned, and they knocked me out. But their voices sounds alike." Said Haruhi.

Ha! See? Even he's upset that you interrupted our gay gossip time at a sleepover!

OOOO!

You just upsetting a gay man!

You're gonna die.


	143. A Picture Has A Thousand Words

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English_

**Indian Accent

* * *

**

"_As you can see, we have your precious girlfriend, Tame-may-key Soy_." Said Johnny Appleseed, looking at a card, then showing various pictures of us.

One where I'm drawing on his face during class.

One where I'm poking him with a stick while he's stuck in some vines dangling over crocodiles.

I'm on his back making him give me piggy back rides all day.

Leaning against him during the lunch line, sleeping.

Drawing on his homework.

Making weird faces at him when he's talking about something.

Painting his toenails.

Making him look like a drag when those weirdo flower girls came to the school and try to steal our school gay. That was not cool.

"Wow Tono! I didn't know that you and Dala-chan were going out!" said the twins, leering over him.

"A-A-Ano I wasn't! My heart only belongs to our precious daughter!" wailed Tamaki, then glomping Haruhi, trying to make him believe it.

Dude, you're a lost cause. You need a gay best friend to say 'You stupid bitch!'

* * *

"_And as you can se_e-" Al Capone got cut off.

"**Pit-tui! I can't believe you did that again! And you put duct tape over my mouth! It is made out of polyethylene, reinforced, multi-purposed pressure sensitive tape with soft and semi-flexible shell and pressure sensitive adhesive! What if I was allergic to polyethylene? You would have to take me to the hospitle and then there you will have to check me in and maybe get found out!**

"**You are such bad kidnappers! I can't believe you waltzed into my gay sleepover party, WHICH WE WERE GOSSIPING! DO YOU KNOW HOW CRUCIAL THAT IS TO THE HUMAN FEMALE TEENAGE PSYCHE? I bet you have a daughter who is anti social, dark, and mumbles about voodoo dolls. C'mon, you can tell Dala anything. What lies in that twisted mind of your-mmmpf**!" I glared at the hand that covered my mouth.

HOW RUDE!

Oh, THIS MEANS WAR!


	144. The Lamb's Song

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

Drastic times calls for drastic measures!

"_Ew! Boss! She licked me!_" cried out the hand that was over my mouth.

Ewwwwww yourself buddy, you really need to learn to use less salt in your foods. You're gonna one of these days.

"_This is the song that never ends,_

_Yes, it goes on and on, my friends._

_Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,_

_and they'll continue singing it forever just because..."_ I started singing,_ "This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some-"_

"_SHUT UP!" _yelled out Fred.

"_I guess you just ended it….. oh! I know! __I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,"_

_"Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves."_

_"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves"_

_"And this is how it goes. Bum, bum bum! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. And this is how it goes. Bum bum bum! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. And this is how it goes! Bum bum bum!"_

A slap was heard across the screen, and some of the hosts winced when they saw my head over to the side.

"_YOU MOFO HO! That hurt like a son of a bitch! HEY GAY PEEPS THAT CAN HEAR ME ACROSS THE WORLD! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK HERE WITH THIS JOHNNY CASH WANNA BE DARTH VADAR! HE SUCKS ROYALLY AND CAN'T EVEN DO A GOOD EVIL LAUGHTER! AND JUST TO TELL YOU GUYS! THEY TURNED ME INTO A VAMPIRE AND I NOW HAVE WEREMICE ON MY SIDE!_

_BUT FOR THE LOVE THAT IS GOOD AND SMELLY AS GAYLORD CRYING ON SENSEI GET ME OUTTA HERE!_" I got silenced again.

OOOOOH…..next time he does that, he will find himself hung from the top of the Statue of Liberaty in his underwear. Upside down.

"_Hey guess what you closest Jersey Shore Wanna be! I got something for you! 99 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves, 99 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves. Link takes one and hands it to Peter Pan. 98 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves! 98 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves! 98 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves! Link takes one and hands it to Peter Pan, 97 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves! 97 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves. 97 bottles of fairy dust on the shelves! Link takes one and hands it to Peter Pan! 96 bottles of fair dust on the shelves!-Ouch! C'mon! You could have at least waited till I was done with the 90s!_

_AND DAMN IT! I WANT OUT OF HERE! HUNNY! THESE MEN ARE TRYING TO RAPE ME AND THE INNOCENT….wait,"_ I paused at looked around at my bleak surrounding.

I smell pier 33 crabs. Sea. Birdman. Big Al. Machine Gun. Creepy Karpis. Whitey. Choctow Kid. The Godfather of Harlem. Mickey. Doc. Henri and Rufus.

"_OMG! I KNOW WHERE I AM! I'M AT-_" I got muffled up again, but this time with a scarf in my mouth.

Ew. And it's a pasley.

These men have no class at all.


	145. Red Wire or the Blue Wire?

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"_As you see here, we have lots of guns to test out on her, maybe have you guys watch as we humiliate her. Bet she hasn't been popped yet_. " Cruelly laugh Clyde.

Wow, I'm shaking in my boots. But seriously, the sea is getting to me.

I struggle to get the nasty as hell scarf off of me, and I accidently turn on my watch.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

"_What's that noise_?" asked Bonaparte.

Beep, beep.

Beep, beep.

Beep. Beep.

"Kyoua!" snapped Tamaki.

"Currently locating her GPS, have located the local authorities. They are their way." Said Kyouya.

BOOM!

And the screen decided to snow.


	146. You Boob

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"That was totally unexpected. Who knew that the watch that I got from Megan Parker actually could taz and freeze people for up to 3 days. Uh, I so need to give her some ultra cool stuff from Sensei to give to her." I said, when I looked around me then skipped over the cavadars wanna bes and headed outside.

Hey, no one can miss me in this yellow puff ball.

YOU CAN FREAKIN SEE ME FROM OUTSPACE!

That would be coolio, you know?

Being able to converse with the aliens that land right in front of me cause they this yellow puff ball.

We would become besties.

I would convince them to take me to their leader.

THEN I WOULD RULE THE WORLD!

"MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"I laughed evilly.

"Hands up in the air!" said some nasty looking people in black suits.

"_You didn't say Simon Says_!" I said.

"Uh boss, that's the girl we are here for…" trailed off one of the other people in the black suits.

"DUDE! I KNOW YOU!" I said, pointing to one of the guys, "YOU WORK FOR KYOUYA!"

"Cain-sama?"

"Dude, call me Dala. Cain-sama reminds me of Godfather who leaves his little sister alone in the cruel world after he finds out that his mother and father were siblings and the sister used black magic on the father to fall in love and brutal sex." I said.

"USO!"

"It's true, read the series myself!"


	147. NOT ANOTHER LONG FLIGHT!

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

After hopping into a jet that will take me back to my oh so wonderful school. I start to reminiscence my simpler school days.

Which include making people go crazy, bugging the twins and totally pwning Hunny and Mori at games.

Oh yea.

I rule.

I want shepherd's pie now.


	148. Locked Room Mystery

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"WHY WON'T YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF JAPAN!" yelled out that one person who been behind the attacks, opening the doors to the host room.

Ah, yes.

Kyo.

How did she get a key? O.O


	149. I'm A Spy, For Real

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

"Uh, cause I'm secretly the Emperor's daughter trying to live a normal life, and I hate you with an ungodly passion and you're going to be thrown over a bridge and be held underwater until you pass out and you disgrace your family?" I stated.

"YOU ARE LYING!" she yelled at me, turning red.

Hey! She must be part lobster!

"Yay! Score one for the evil bitch! Aren't you glad that I'm your long lost onee-chan who has come back from the grave to exact revenge upon our family for dishoning me because I'm taller than you?"

"LIAR!"

"Good girl! Now, tell me why you wanted me out of Japan! And maybe I'll get you a doggy treat!"

"You came in here in such an uproar, and you stole away MY Kyouya-kun, whom I was going to marry and later on poison him so I could have all of his money! Wait!"

"Good girl! Now tell Aunt Ezma why you wanted to do this, and tried to get me killed in the process? And not to mention INTERRUPT GAY GOSSIP TIME!"

"Well-"

"Wait! I know!" I exclaimed, smoking out of a bubble pipe.

"You do?" yelled out the twins, the pitful creature from the bottom of the sea, and Hunny.

"Yes! Detective Dala has all the answers! She is the daughter that didn't get to have gossip time at a gay sleepover with her gay best friend, and thus ruined her whole psyche and could sense anyone who was about to get that crucial time. So she tried to run me out of Japan, not the whole 'I'm going to become the world's leader wife and be richer than _Carlos Slim Helu_." I said.

"Nan-"

"Take her away." Ordered Kyouya, then started dialing numbers for what reason is beyond me.

"Now, back to our gossip time." I said to Haruhi, heading out of the room and back to her place.


	150. End Credits

Oh-So American

Drabble Series

Summary: Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one that can apparently understand me. Can you help me here? ...Isn't this supposed to be an Elite School? Yeah? Then why can't you people understand ENGLISH? Aren't supposed to know it for business and whatnot? ...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

_English

* * *

_

FIN

Ignore the creepy men following me everywhere and Kyouya's dad trapping me in a room with him only to talk to.

This is not happening.

FIN I SAY!

Ooo!

I SEE SHINIES!

Say what you creepy man? You want me to do what?

YOUR OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN MIND!

What did I say you creepy people who are in my head…hey! Have you seen voice number 52? He talks in a Spanish accent and I haven't a thought about tacos lately….

FIN!


	151. Reborn Style

"Oh looky! I picked up a note!" I sang out to my fellow ne'er-do-dwells, waving around a note that looked really weird.

I mean, it has a flame!

A FREAKIN FLAME!

And it's not burning! How cool is that?

"Ma?" asked my oh so cool gay best friend, even though he doesn't go 'You stupid bitch!'

"Really! I have it right here! And the flame doesn't even hurt!" I said, waving my hand through the flame.

"I wonder if this piece of paper is related to….what his bucket? Mickey? Dickey? Huey? Doey? Loey? Yako? Wako? Dottie? Pinkie and the Brain?"

"It's Tamaki." Deadpanned my sensei.

"Who's Tamaki?" I asked.

"No! It's milord! You should only address me as MiLord or as King!" Shouted out the Wet Noodle.

"Did you just feel hot air pass through?" I shouted to the twins, who are awesome cause their sharing the DNA that each other have and stuff.

"Just read the note." Said my sensei who I know is secretly trying to kill me. I mean, seriously, who else gets paired up with my long lost sister who tries to kill me?

No one else but my sensei.

Nuff said.

"Oh the note! It says that there is a sequel to my life and it's called Not So Japanese or does that say My Life as Liz 2? They look fairly similar….."

"What is that supposed to mean?" asked my oh so cool human stuff bunny.

"No idea. It just to read it now or else the melons suffers. We can't have the strawberries suffer."

Hunny and I nodded solemnly. "So Mote It Be."


End file.
